Everyone doesn't agree with everything I say? DAGNABIT. When will the world start working exactly how I want it to?

I had crossed my fingers and hoped and prayed that this post would not get any backlash or negative feedback.  I had really, really hoped that I was a good enough writer to make my points clear so that people would all see my perspective, agree with me, and go eat cotton candy while skipping under rainbows.   Unfortunately, that's not how the world works.  I HATE debating and arguing, but when I post my opinion on something I believe in... people are often going to disagree with me.  That's life.  It's not my favorite, but neither is staying silent.  So... here we go.

Here's the tail end of a long train of comments on my instagram post (which was about this this blog post).  If you have time, feel free to read them all as it will probably help you get a little more context before reading this, but if not - I think you'll still understand.

"so I looked up the actual definition of feminism not just Emma Watson's definition. Here it is "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men." So obviously the reason we focus on the root of FEM and define it is more of a thing for women rather than gender equality is because that's what it is. It's not about men feeling like they are treated poorly. It's obviously about women not feeling equal. You can send people to your blog which sends people to some random site that May or may not be credible. So my questions for you start with what exactly does it mean to have gender equality? I want your opinion and maybe an example of how you've felt you don't feel equal to men? And please don't send me to some blog or website. I won't go to it. My next question is if a guy didn't open your door or buy you dinner chances are you're not gonna go out with him. So how is that equality? How many times have you opened the door for your date? Equal means being the same right? So you have to switch off opening the door and paying for dates if you want "equal" right? You also said something about feminists that speak out don't understand what feminism is yet the feminist you're quoting is the one who is speaking out. I'm a little confused. In closing I don't think God deals with reading between the lines. It should be clear as day what he wants and since there is so much confusion it doesn't seem like it's clear. You've mentioned rape and trafficking like those are huge things that have to do with gender equality. Please explain to me what rape has to do with gender equality? Explain to me how women not choosing how they dress has to do with gender equality and not about religion? Don't you think that if you're in a high infection area that if you have sex no matter what you're more likely to get HIV? And pornography? I'm pretty sure a lot of the women in these films choose to do this. And most pornography films have a man in them too.  You're naming all these problems with the world but you didn't write what they have to do with gender equality. The only way I can see you relating them to gender equality is the fact that it has to do with men and women. Men and women have different callings because they are built differently. ALL human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose. Each have their own purpose and destiny. Each have their own purposes."

First of all... I still don't think you read the last post.  Please read what I write before arguing with me.  You are arguing about a lot of things I did not write about and do not agree with.  I would also super appreciate it if you would look at the websites I posted and read up on the facts I'm giving you before disagreeing with me.

I believe that men and women are different, and that they have different roles.  I am in 100% agreement with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on that and EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF DOCTRINE the church has regarding gender.   Not one part of me disagrees with that at all. I think our church is the perfect example to the world of how there can be equal rights and respect between genders while still having different roles.

Now... in response to your comment: 

First of all, I think that you and I are reading that definition differently.  You're reading:  "The advocacy of WOMEN'S rights on the grounds of political..... blah blah blah".  I'm reading:  "The advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and ecomonic EQUALITY TO MEN."    Why do they focus on the women's rights becoming equal to the men's?  Oh, probably because there is not a single country in this world where the general population of women has more rights and respect in those areas than men.   That's why.  It's focusing on the change that needs to happen.  As I stated, I wish there was a different term that had a root focused on the goal instead of what would need to change to get us there.  The goal is equality, women's rights need to increase to get us there.

Now, on to your questions:

You asked what it means to have gender equality 
Ah!  A WONDEFUL question.  Seriously, I wish someone would have asked this sooner because I feel like if that was clear we wouldn't have much of a disagreement.  I wish I would have stated this in my earlier post.  I believe that gender equality means that women and men are equally respected.  Women have a voice politically (They can vote, I don't think we need to have 50/50 men and women in political office, but everyone needs to be able to vote for which men or women should be in office).  I also think that women should have a right to make decisions for themselves (Their husband or father should not be able to decide their lives for them.  In many countries a girl's father is completely in charge of making all decisions for her and her life until she is married - to the man he has chosen for her - and then the role of making her decisions is now her husband's).

You also asked for an example of when I have felt or how I do not feel equal to men.
I do feel equal to men.  I feel that I live in a society that - although not perfect - is pretty darn close to achieving gender equality, and one that is much much MUCH further along than most of the world.  I consider myself a feminist because I want every woman in the world to enjoy the same freedom and respect I get.  I'm not a feminist to fight for my rights, I'm a feminist fighting for the rights of women around the world.

You then asked some questions regarding dating and gender roles and made a point about how men pay for dates and open doors and yada yada yada.... 
I'm not going to spend time debating something that has nothing to do with my original post, and something that I don't consider to be an issue.  I even stated that the post was not about that.  "I'm going to leave out a lot of the first world problems - because I've already delved into some of those issues here, and I don't want this post to be so long that it takes a half hour to read."    I probably should have also mentioned that I disagree with many of the first world "inequalities" feminists take issue with - but that was kind of what I was hoping to imply with my opening paragraph. In my opinion, inequality in dating is a non-issue for the most part, and in general the US does not have a whole lot of gender inequality.  I completely understand that most feminists are caught up in those things and take issue with them.  I'm not most feminists - which was the point I was trying to make at the beginning of the blog post.

You asked what rape, human sex trafficking, the spread of HIV, and pornography have to do with gender inequality
and I'm going to ask you again to please go read the post you were commenting on.  With rape and human sex trafficking it refers to respect, and the same with HIV.  Here's a surprising fact for you (which was on the web page I sent you to in my last post because I didn't want to quote the entire webpage): In Kenya and Zambia, a study found that HIV infection rates were higher among married girls than their unmarried, sexually active counterparts - girls who had more license to choose their sexual partners.  Childhood marriage is a result of a lack of respect for women and their choices, and a lack of education in women.   When it comes to rape (a crime of power) and human sex trafficking (slavery), these are gender equality issues because of the enormous preference these crimes have towards women.   I'll spout these stats off again since you didn't read my post - or didn't see how they applied to gender equality when I posted them there.  9 out of every 10 rape victims is a woman.  To me that says that women are not being given enough respect.  I'm no rapist, but I'm guessing that in general they don't rape people they have a great deal of respect for.  98% of human sex trafficking victims are women or girls.  That tells me that women are seen as objects - aka not respected.  As for pornography... I probably shouldn't have brought that up in the comments on instagram because I don't have many statistics and facts on the matter and I really don't know enough personally to be coming into this without facts.  All I know is what I've heard from anti-porn organizations, and that is that much of porn involves mistreatment of women, with men 100% in control and treating women as objects that are used for their sexual pleasure.

Finally, I want to say that men and women are different and have different roles, I firmly believe that.  HOWEVER, I do not believe that men are higher than women, or vice versa.   I don't advocate for women to have the same roles as men, only the same rights and respect given to them.     

We may end up just having to agree to disagree on this.  I'm pretty passionate about the subject, but you may have a different perspective and as much as I don't like it... that's life.

If you're not a feminist, you're not paying attention.

Let me first start off by giving you a brief description of myself: I'm an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I wholeheartedly agree with and support all church doctrine regarding the priesthood and families.  My biggest dream is to one day be a stay-at-home mom.   I shave my armpits and wear deodorant and a bra on a daily basis.  I wear high heels and pencil skirts because I like the way I look in them, even though they aren't the most comfortable thing in the world.  I like getting dolled up but don't wear a lot of makeup most of the time because I'm not willing to put in the effort most girls are - not because I'm trying to make a statement. I like it when guys open doors for me and pay for dinner.  When I have car problems I always call a man to come help me out because I feel like in general they're naturally a little more gifted in that area. 

Oh, and I'm a feminist.

As I was scrolling through Facebook a few minutes ago, I saw that a friend had shared an article about Emma Watson's United Nation speech 

Here's the speech for those of you who haven't had a chance to listen to it yet: 

as I smiled at this wonderful message that is going viral I glanced at the comments.   Here's what the first comment said:

"Pshhh... I'm sure she's been treated so unfairly in her life, making millions of dollars, being accepted into Brown university due to her fame, etc... What on earth does she have to complain about when it comes to gender inequality? Don't get me wrong, I love Emma Watson, but this is kind of silly. I feel there are much greater issues in our society than gender inequality." (emphasis added)

I had to read the comment through twice more because I was so shocked at what I was seeing.  I hoped I was missing some sort of strange sarcasm in that last line, but sadly I was not.  This was someone's actual reaction to Miss Watson's speech.

FIRST OF ALL.... Saying Emma Watson doesn't have a right to make that speech because she's not a huge victim of gender inequality is like saying that you can't start a foundation to cure leukemia unless you've actually had cancer.  It's like saying that you can't fight against poverty unless you come from a third world country.  It's ABSOLUTELY ridiculous and he obviously had not listened to the speech before posting his comment.

MORE IMPORTANTLY....This man was clearly ignorant and didn't actually know much about what the feminist movement is and how it effects the world.  Don't worry - I enlightened him.  (My sassy pants were definitely on while I typed my reply.)

For those of you stuck in the same boat as this man, let me give you just a small handful of facts to help you see why gender equality has an effect on almost every major issue in the world today (I'm going to leave out a lot of the first world problems - because I've already delved into some of those issues here, and I don't want this post to be so long that it takes a half hour to read.): 

- 9 of every 10 rape victims is a woman. 

-There are still many countries where women do not have a right to wear what they choose, and decisions regarding their bodies are not their own. Women don't even have a right to vote in these countries to change that. 

-If we don't change something, within this decade there will be 142 million child brides. "The World Health Organization reports that pregnancy complications remain the leading cause of death among girls aged fifteen to nineteen in low- and middle-income countries, and those girls are twice as likely to die in childbirth as are mothers aged twenty and older. Babies born to adolescent or child mothers are more likely to die than those born to mothers over age twenty. They tend to have lower birth weights and weak immune systems, and face higher risks of malnutrition. In areas with high infection rates, early marriage makes girls more vulnerable to HIV." (That all comes from the Council of Foreign Relations website you might want to take a gander at.) 

-An estimated 600,000-800,000 people are trafficked across international borders each year, and it is estimated that women and girls make up 98% of victims of trafficking for sexual exploitation. 

So for those of you who are against feminism and agree with the commenter above.... please, tell me how those are not gender inequality issues - or if you'd rather - explain why those aren't some of the "greater issues" in society today. 

Want to read more?  Go to http://www.cfr.org/peace-conflict-and-human-rights/child-marriage/p32096#!/?cid=otr_marketing_use-child_marriage_Infoguide#!%2F or http://www.universityworldnews.com/article.php?story=20140613062045301 to learn about how educating and empowering women can change all of these statistics.  

TOOL TIME. (The Bro-bag Diagnostics Test)

Have you ever sat and pondered the question:  Am I a "tool/bro-bag/man-whore"?  

We here at the bro-bag diagnostics department came together one night and discussed our experiences with tooligans to devise a foolproof method for determining whether or not a young man is a "tool".   Curious about where you fall on the scale of what is acceptable to women?  Take a few moments to ponder and reflect on your life as you go through this checklist of self discovery:

***All items in this checklist are based on actual experiences of the four members of The Bro-bag Diagnostics Team.***

The Tool Checklist 

1.  Are you currently leading, or have you ever, led a girl on with no intention of getting serious or keeping her, therefore wasting her time and carelessly toying with her emotions?
2.  Have you ever led more than one girl on at a time because you “can’t make up your mind?” (Example: Make out with Susie on Monday and Tuesday, invite Jolene over on Wednesday, and then have a date with Gretchen on Friday while still carrying on a very flirtatious text conversation with Susie?) 
3.  Have you ever told more than three girls in a semester that you love them?
4.  Have you ever played a girl and then tried to go for/date one or more of her roommates?
5.  Have you ever openly flirted with a girl or group of girls while your girlfriend was present?
6.   Do you Facebook chat your ex to tell her about the hot girl you met on the bus shortly after your break up?
7.  Have you ever gotten drunk and woken up in bed with someone you did not know, while in a committed relationship?
8.  If the above situation did occur, do you feel it isn’t your fault because you were drunk and don’t remember exactly what happened?
9.  Do you feel that cuddling/physical affection is emotionally meaningless?
10.  Have you ever been interested in a girl but rather than discuss your feelings, the relationship, or where things are going with her, gone to her roommates, neighbor, aunt, gardener and dermatologist to talk about it?
11.   Have you ever kissed a girl and immediately followed it with the statement, “I just want to be friends?”
12.   Have you ever introduced your new crush to your previous crush who was involved in the above mentioned incident THE FOLLOWING DAY?
13.   When you look in the mirror, do you see a God?
14.   Do you frequent the gym and talk about “getting swole"?
15.   Are there two or more pictures of you standing in front of a bathroom mirror holding your phone on your Facebook profile?
16.   Are you carrying on with a relationship you feel is restrictive because it means you can’t make out with other girls?
17.   Is your kissing toll above 15? Above 30? Above 63?
18.   Have you ever forced a girl into physical affection with you to fulfill your sick, twisted, animalistic desires?
19.   Have you ever texted a girl at 2:00 in the morning asking if she needs a ride because you noticed her bike tires were flat? (Have you ever slashed a girls bike tires in order to offer said ride?)
20.   Do you have a split personality or sudden lack of manners when you’re around your bros/homies/buds?
21.   Are you a bigot or homophobe? Both?
22.   Have you ever invited a girl to a party and then ushered her out the front door before it was over when she didn’t do anything to merit such treatment?
23.   Have you ever blatantly refused to come to a girl’s dance concert after two months of being in “like” and five personal invitations from her and her roommates to please come see her perform?
24.   Have you then, the following semester, brought a date to her dance concert?
25.   Have you ever told a girl you are interested in her while wiping off the slobber from your last make-out session with another?
26.   Have you ever asked a girl to sleep with you while in a committed relationship with another girl?
27.   Do you spend more time at the gym than with your girlfriend?
28.   Do you think that paying for a date/dinner guarantees you some action? (i.e. Do you consider dating a mild form of prostitution?)
29.   Have you ever made out with a girl without ever having taken her on a real date?
30.   Have you ever asked a girl to sleep with you in place of asking her out on a date?
31.   Have you ever described your “tool-y” friend without realizing you were actually describing yourself?
32.   Do you think it is entertaining and/or funny to smoke innocent pedestrians with your truck?
33.   Do you wear tool tanks? 
34.   Have you ever purchased a double-deep V neck shirt? 
35.   Do you take pride in your chest hair?
36.   Do you look for opportunities to casually flex your biceps?
37.   Do you think every girl is into you?
38.   Have you ever had difficulty comprehending someone’s disdain for you? 
39.   Do you rotate/pass girls around with your homies/bros/brobags?
40.   Do you think being cultured and educated about the arts--even minimally--is sissy or gay?
41.   Do you rush girls into commitments or the road to marriage and then turn around and say, “I have to think about it?”
42.   Do you fake an accent to pick up chicks?
43.   Do you wear pooka shells on a regular basis?
44.   Have you ever taken a girl on a 13 hour first date to meet your parents?
45.   Have you ever neglected to do anything about the fact that your date has become seriously injured on your date? (i.e. concussion, sprained ankle, bleeding from the limbs, head, etc.) 
46.   Have you ever complained to your date about spending money on her when you were the one who asked her out in the first place?
47. Have you ever taken a date to a dance and within 5 minutes of arrival explained to her that you were going to take off to go "party boy on those girls over there"?
48. After telling your girlfriend that you cheated on her, have you ever said, “Call me if you get bored?” as she tromped off your porch?
49.   Have you ever yelled at your date to “stand her ground” while she was being attacked by wildlife?
50.   Do you have a girl on the back burner?
51.   Is it your goal to kiss every girl in a certain organization/club/choir?
52.   Do you practice your smolder?
53.   Do you press on the gas of your extremely loud and obnoxious diesel truck while driving past someone’s house so they know you drove by?
54.   Do you exert more than five catcalls a day? A week?  A month?  A year? ... a lifetime?
55.   Is your truck lifted? (How lifted? Award yourself points accordingly.)
56.   Do you wear white stitched jeans?
57.   Is Tap Out your go to brand?
58.  Have you ever sent a girl you have yet to go on a first date with shirtless selfie snapchats asking her to come over for “nap time”?
59.   Do you think it is plausible to bench press 250 pounds but become completely incapable of physical exertion when someone needs help moving, cleaning, or transporting something? Explain.
60.   Have you ever pointed out a girl’s zit and/or told her she will never get married and/or asked her if she’s pregnant because you don’t understand what an empire waistline is?
61.   Have you ever been a landlord and said the above mentioned things to your tenants?
62.  Have you ever asked a girl you have yet to go on a first date with (or meet in person at all) to come give you a massage at two in the morning?
63.  Have you ever commented to a girl you are pursuing that Topanga Lawrence, (goddess of all 90’s sitcoms) was “a little thick for your taste”?
64.  Do you understand the term “rape kiss” and have you ever committed this completely unwarranted crime to a woman? More than once on a first date?
65.  Have you ever intentionally left your jacket in a girl’s vehicle as a foolproof way of securing a second date? (Spoiler Alert: It wasn't foolproof.  Your jacket is still in the trunk of my car.)
66.  Have you ever declared that you are only interested in a woman with “at least” a PhD because you want to be with someone who can actually have an "intelligent conversation"?  Have you made this comment while not possessing a PhD yourself? 
67.  While engaged have you ever made promises, or even hints, to another girl regarding the future of your relationship? 
68.  Are you experienced in the art of “booty calls”?
69.  Have you ever made out with a girl and then three minutes later told her you weren’t the least bit interested because she would restrict you from finding your eternal companion?
70.   And if so, were you already pursuing things with a second girl when that happened, thus lying to two innocent women at once?
71.   Do you go by multiple names so you can date multiple girls at the same time?
72. Are you under the impression that you are God's gift to womankind?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, here are a few more to ask yourself:

1.  Do you care about other people’s feelings?
2.  What happened in your life to make you so cold, careless, and detached?
3.  How do you expect to ever have anything really special with someone when you throw everything away on a regular basis?
4.  Are you capable of loving another person more than yourself?
5.  Do you understand the term narcissism?
6.  Do you ever look at your life and look at your choices?
7.  What does the phrase “use and abuse” mean to you?
8.  Have you ever gone more than two weeks since beginning college without making out with someone?
9.  What about integrity?
10.   Do you realize there is more to a girl than her outward appearance?
11.   Do you want to end up with an idiot for the rest of your life/eternity?
12.   How important is interesting conversation to you, or do you like talking to a wall with a nice fake tan?
13.   Do you realize you may be contributing to a degrading, immoral society?
14.   Where do you want to be in 10 years and what are you doing about it now?
15.   Was your ex girlfriend too good for you? (Yes. Yes, she was.)

***This list was made during what experts now refer to as "The Great Feminine Rage-fest of 2013".  Elevated estrogen levels were used in the making of this exam***

lessons re-learned

A few months back I was driving back to school after spring break when I looked down and saw that my gas was just above empty.  I knew an exit with a gas station was coming up and decided that I would just stop there.  Well, as the exit was approaching and I tried to change lanes so I could exit, I realized that I was completely blocked in.  I tried my best to get into the right lane, but I hadn't noticed the problem in time.  As I passed the exit and looked down at my gas gauge my heart dropped a little bit.  The needle was now dangling below the empty line.. and I had learned from previous experience that this car didn't have enough of a reserve to get me more than a few miles.  I was about halfway along on my three hour drive, so making someone come rescue me would be asking them to take two hours of their time - not to mention the gas money.   Immediately I started praying, asking Heavenly Father to please help my car last until the next gas station.  I slowed down and coasted as much as possible as I said a preading prayer as I passed exit after exit that did not have a gas station. My prayers worked and I miraculously made it to the gas station in Beaver and filled up my tank after driving for about 40 miles with basically no gas in my car.  I spent the remainder of my drive home thanking Heavenly Father for his merciful miracle and promising to never get myself in that situation again.

I spent last weekend down visiting Southern Utah.  While leaving Cedar City I thought about filling my car up with gas, but after running a few things over in my mind, decided instead to fill it up later on in my journey because it would make things simpler.  I passed the halfway point without filling up - I still had enough gas to make it to the next stop, and by then I would need to use the bathroom, so I figured waiting until I was already going to need to stop made more sense.  I turned up my music and drove on... right past the exit with a gas station I had intended to stop at. 

As I drove past the exit, I realized that I had spaced out and quickly looked at the gas gauge.  I suddenly realized that my fuel economy was not what I had thought it was, and I was definitely in trouble: the tank was once again below empty.  As I started driving, trying to remember now far it was to the next exit, panic set in.  I started praying as hard as I could, and my prayer went something like this:

Heavenly Father, I messed up.  I am SO sorry.  I know that you already bailed me out of this situation once.  I know that I promised not to make this mistake again.  This is 100% my fault, I should have learned my lesson.  I know this car probably can't make it to the gas station alone, but I know that with your help, I can get there.  I know you have already shown me more than enough mercy when I messed up like this before.  I know that I don't deserve your help.  I knew better.  I should have been more careful.  I should have been more prepared, it would have been easy to prevent this if I had been on my guard earlier.  I don't know why I was dumb enough to get into this pickle a second time.  I am so sorry... I know I have no right to beg you for this.. but, even though I don't deserve it, I'm asking you to help me make it there again.

As I pulled into the gas station 20 later, and said a prayer of gratitude... I replayed through my prayers in my head.  I thought about a particular flaw that I have, a mistake I repeatedly make in my life.  It's frustrating to me to be less than the good person I know I should be.  Heavenly Father has helped me overcome this particular weakness time and time again.  He has worked a miracle and helped me learn my lesson over and over again.  He has repeatedly helped me defeat my flaw, and I have repeatedly let myself down and felt this terrible quality slip back up again even though I know it's not who I want to be.  I had let this shortcoming sneak back into my life once more, and was naturally very upset with myself for not being the better person I knew I should be.   I was scared to ask Heavenly Father for help again... scared that He would tell me He had given up on me, scared that he would say, "I already helped you with this when you didn't deserve it, you got yourself into this mess, and I don't have to help you get yourself out of it".  Scared and ashamed as I was, I started to pray:

Heavenly Father, I messed up.  I am SO sorry.  I know that you already bailed me out of this situation once.  I know that I promised not to make this mistake again.  This is 100% my fault, I should have learned my lesson.  I know that I probably can't make it where I need to go alone, but I know that with your help, I can get there.  I know you have already shown me more than enough mercy when I messed up like this before.  I know that I don't deserve your help.  I knew better.  I should have been more careful.  I should have been more prepared, it would have been easy to prevent this if I had been on my guard earlier.  I don't know why I was dumb enough to get into this pickle a second time.  I am so sorry... I know I have no right to beg you for this.. but, even though I don't deserve it, I'm asking you to help me make it there again.


In my life I am constantly shocked at how very human I am.  I make the same stupid mistakes over and over again instead of learning them the first time... if I only had to learn lessons once I would probably be darn near perfect after 22 years.  I am thankful for a plan that allows me to learn and re-learn the lessons that make me a better person, and for a perfect, merciful Heavenly Father who loves me enough to give me the help I need even when it's not the help I deserve.