A VERY Merry Birthday to....

Chell.

my best friend.

my blood sister. (seriously... we got in a car accident together - legit.)

the strongest girl I know.  (ripped spiritually as well as physically)

the most GORGEOUS girl on this planet.  

(I'm not even exaggerating, look at these pictures...)

One of the most talented dancers I have ever seen. 

(Also.. she's an incredible singer, make her put a video on facebook please!)

One of the kindest people I have ever met. 

the girl who is closer to her Heavenly Father than anyone I know.

the most hysterical creature you will ever meet.

THE MOST AMAZING GIRL I KNOW.  

Serious... and she's my best friend.

Ready for lots of pictures of our friendship?  Here they come!! 

P.S. That girl with the beautiful eyes in the middle?  That's Amanda.  She's also awesome beyond belief.  I have the best friends in the land! This is my all-time favorite picture of the three of us. :)

This is us doing push-ups after BYU lost to U of U...  before Chell betrayed me and became a Ute.

We get VERY invested in football games:

When our team loses... we get pretty emotional.

We go to wedding receptions...

just throwin down some moves on the dance floor... synchronized swimming style.

and we go to farewells together....

fun fact: before we became besties, I was not much of a crazy face maker... thankfully Michelle mended my ways.

We threw rockin dance company parties (which included delicious pancakes) together at 8 in the morning, because we were the bomb-diggity of a Pres and VP ( co presidents?  What were we?)...

We eat delicious food together (which is now much healthier than what is shown in these pictures):

except... we still have a mozz stick obsession.  Sonic is THE BEST. 

We used to keep Nutella in Michelle's locker in high school... and walk the halls eating it during lunch. ... classy.

We do service together...

African daycare with PTSA... so. cute.

We watch quality movies together....

17 again.... for about the 17th time.  Such a  funny movie... and that scene where Zac Efron steps out of the car with the leather jacket.... woof!

One of our favorites... sooooo quotable!  If you haven't seen it, please do!  Also, please ignore the fact that this is proababy the most unflattering picture of me ever posted on the internet.
.

We go on crazy car rides together...

We kind of shared a cell phone during high school....

I had no phone... so since we were always together I just used chell's whenever I needed to text cute boys. ;)   One time a guy asked for my number (for a perfectly legitimate reason... he wasn't even hitting on me) and I froze (because this was not a common occurence!)  and turned to Michelle and said "Hey Michelle.... what's your number?"  Ohhhhh so awkward.

We beautify eachother....(okay... she beautifies me, because OBVIOUSLY she doesn't need any beautifying.)

We take naps together....

And have sleepovers on the trampoline together...

Which usually turn into "stay up until 3 am dancing and jumping on the trampoline" overs...

Which turn into.. run into Michelle's room when it gets too cold/windy/the sprinklers turn on/there's a murderer with a gun in the field by her house...

We panic together...

We play foosball together - and kick bootay when we're on the same team. (okay, fine... chell wins no matter who's on her team.  Which is why I'm always on her team, I'm a winner.)

proper foosball attire:  footie pajamas.

We dance together...

Pretty sure this was the day that led to our friendship taking off...

BAHAHHAHA please tell me you guys think this is as hilarious as chell and I do... she shrunk me and put me next to her pointe shoe during photography once.  GEM.

We workout together...

ADC Bootcamp.... good  times.

We sweat together...

We bleed together...

aaaaand I could go on for days about our adventures and how awesome she is, but since it's 3:07 AM I'll start wrapping it up :) 

FRIENDSHIP SUMMARY:

Chell's two years younger than me, we met on dance companies at our studio in high school.  We've been besties for years - and fully intend to be forever.  We're Cory and Shawn.  (except neither of us is as rebellious or stupid as Shawn (and if you don't know what I mean by Cory and Shawn go watch all 7 seasons of Boy Meets World right now and don't come back until your finished!  Best show EVER.))

I was at her house more than my own during high school, and consider her family, my family.  I even go chill over there when she's not home.  I love those peeps!!   On Michelle's last day in our hometown last year - my mother wept because we were going to once again be separated.  She WEPT.  That's how tight our friendship is - people cry when we're apart.

It's been rough being apart, but we have a JOLLY good time whenever we're both in the same city... and our skype conversations are fantastic, please enjoy:

Nom nom

Yes, ladies and gentlemen... my best friend is indeed, a lion.

Turban talk.

Lovely border maker I found :)

Sometimes, we just need to be a bear and a gangsta.

Okay.... my brain is shutting off so... I'm going to head to bed now. 

Just know that Michelle is way more awesome than this post could delve into.  If you don't know her, make it happen.

I love you Chell!  I hope you have the best birthday EVA!!! (even though I'm not up there with ya....  Shootdangit.)

Mild Terror.

I love thunder and lightning storms, I think they're really neat.

When I'm with other people.

Right now... I'm alone, and I can't sleep... because I'm a little terrified that the lightning is going to come through my window and eat me.

I need my roommates to move back in so they can protect me from things like this.

DAMAGED

There's this part of my life that's less than perfect. (I know, it's even hard for ME to believe)

In fact, it's actually been a really, really big challenge throughout my life.... if not THE biggest challenge.

I won't talk about it the specific challenge because even though I don't mind talking about it, it's really not something that I need to broadcast all over the internet. 

Tonight I was talking to a friend of mine (who happens to be very well-educated in this particular subject, and human psychology in general) and the chit-chat turned to this topic.   As I always do when it comes up, I talked openly about it and shared my experience with it... probably giving WAY more information than necessary.  

As we were talking, she was really concerned, and started talking about all of the "damage"  that this particular circumstance must have done to me.  All of the issues I must have because of it.   How it must have had such a big effect on me, and I might not even know it...

etc. etc. etc.

I've heard it all before.

It's great.  I'm glad she says it.  I don't like when people minimalize it, because it DID have an impact on me.  It did cause some issues in my life, and yeah.. it was (and is)  something that's been hard to deal with.  

But I've worked hard to pay attention to those issues and stop them from coming up.  I won't let myself become a victim.   

I went through a time in my life where I let my problems define me and I wanted to be the victim.  Want to know what I learned from that time?

I wasn't happy.  I let myself hurt TOO MUCH. 

It's okay to hurt sometimes, but it is not okay to be a permanently hurt person.

....My situation isn't that extreme...in fact, as far as trials go - I feel like I've had it pretty easy. 

But yeah... there are things that have happened that I could have let "damage" me... and for a while I did.   

But, I'm not going to let my life revolve around and be defined by those problems.

I'm doing the best to make the effect they've had on me minimal.  I'm trying to grow from them and become a better person because of them. 

I'm not going to let myself be defined as a victim.  I've had problems and people can know that and acknowledge that yes, those were struggles, and yes, they did hurt... but, 

I'm choosing not to be "damaged."

George - 1, Tiana - 0

I NEVER bring my house keys with me.

Normally one of my roommates is home, or I'm with them and they have their keys.   

Right now two of my roommates are in China so... the chances someone will be home go down considerably.  I'd been pretty lucky so far, my roommate had been home or I'd actually remembered to bring my keys for once. 

Today, that luck ended. 

I woke up with barely enough time to shove my hair up on top of my head, throw an ugly sweater on, and run off to class.  Lookin' GREAT.  *sarcasm*

I got out of class early and came home to find...... a locked door.

I called my roommate to see if she was home, no answer. 

So... I walked around the house examining my options for entry.  

I found an open window up front, so... I decided to take it.

I hoisted myself up and.....

Got wedged on the ledge.  

For a good three minutes, I was kicking my legs around while I tried to reach for the nearest chair to crawl onto. 

With my bum dangling out the window....

As many, many people walked right by. (one of the bonuses of living right across the street from campus)  

Finally.. after a bit of a struggle...I grabbed hold of the chair and shimmied my way in, did a happy dance to celebrate my successful(ish)  entry, and turned around to shut the window, to see.....

The neighbors across the street, on their porch.  Watching me. 

Well, boys... I hope you enjoyed staring at my perky posterior dangling out of our kitchen, because you will probably see a lot of it in the next two weeks as I am sure there will be many more instances where I forget my keys.

Oh, and don't worry... a few minutes after I squirmed my way in I heard a meow.... upstairs.

I walked up to my roommates room to find our neighbors' cat George. Apparently he was able to somehow get in with all our doors locked.  Most likely without his posterior end hanging out the kitchen window.  

Poor men need not apply.

I am officially on the hunt.  

The boyfriend hunt.  

Am I love hungry? No.

Am I hungry, hungry? Yes.

You see... I tried sushi for the first time yesterday, and it was amazing.

So fresh and light, yet potent and flavorful.... oh!  I just died at the taste dancing around in my mouth.  

I LOVE good food.  I am willing to spend more money going out to eat than I am on a cute top.  It's a problem.  

But.. I'm also a poor college student. 

Problem?  
The biggest.

So... my plan is to find a guy who would like to buy me sushi and other delicious food in exchange for my lovely company :)  

Know anyone interested? 

about that missionary age-change announcement...

I am so excited about the new age change! 

I wasn't able to watch conference on Saturday due to a dance competition I was helping to run, but I went home and watched the video of the announcement that night. 

Can I just say... WOW.  Powerful stuff.  The moment President Monson started speaking, I felt the spirit so strong it just squeezed the tears right out of me. 

Here's the clip for those of you who missed it:
http://youtu.be/W0ZJerwiodw

I can already imagine the benefits of these changes...   

People who were worried about taking time out of the middle of school can now leave before their schooling starts at all.  

More young girls on their missions might mean less of them rush into marriage right out of high school.

I've seen a lot of great young men head off to their freshman year of college with every intention of going on a mission afterward, and end up getting caught in the wrong crowd and changing their mind, often changing everything about their lives.

and so many other great things..

BUT

I'm a little bit worried. 

I'm worried because of the number of facebook statuses I saw from young girls saying they have suddenly decided to serve a mission because it's more convenient.   I also saw comments from people saying things like:  "A mission is always the right choice!"  or, "Go on a mission!"

Don't get me wrong, I understand that some people may have felt The Spirit testify to them very strongly during General Conference that this is right for them.  Some may have even been preparing for their mission in a few years, and be grateful that they can now leave sooner.  I think missions are great, and I know sister missionaries do amazing things in the field. 

But to all those young girls now considering going on a mission, please, please, PLEASE.. include Heavenly Father in your decision.  Not only on whether or not a mission is right for you, but what the right timing is for you.  

In the press conference following the announcement, authorities made it very clear that missions are NOT a requirement for young women, they are an option.  Not because some people aren't worthy or good enough for a mission, but because they are not for everyone. 

I, for example, LOVE the idea of serving a mission.  I would love to dedicate a year and a half of my life to Heavenly Father and spreading his love.  I think it would be an amazing experience that would help me grow as a person.  I have prayed to Heavenly Father about serving a mission and have always gotten a very clear "NO."  The impression that I have been given is that there is work Heavenly Father wants me to do here instead.  The issue is not a desire to serve, or lack of testimony.  The reason I'm not going on a mission is because I want to serve in the best way I can, and I know that Heavenly Father knows what that best way is.  So I'm trusting him.  I'm trusting that what he wants for me is not what everyone might think is the best. 

To those of you who are influences in the lives of these young girls:  instead of encouraging them to serve missions.  Encourage them to develop a relationship with Heavenly Father, and then talk to him about whether or not that is the right decision for them.   Encourage them to trust him, even if the answer he gives them isn't what one would naturally assume is best. 

To all you single RMs (and not-RM but.. in the marrying stage of life) out there:  STOP valuing return sister missionaries above the rest of us.  I have met several amazing young men who will only date return missionaries.  It ticks me off.  Because I followed Heavenly Father's plan for me, and it didn't involve one specific path, guys won't date me.  I imagine this problem will get much worse as it gets easier for young women to go on missions.  Don't fall into the trap of thinking that return missionaries are better than the rest of us, or that they are automatically stronger.  

I admire return missionaries, but many of the greatest women I have ever met did not serve missions.  Everyone please be respectful of people's decisions, as long as they involve the Lord I know they will be correct. 


** On a lighter note...... all these girls leaving might mean less overwhelming selection for the guys, and more dates for me - three cheers for free food and good company! :) 

So, I met the neighbors from across the street...

It went like this:

2 big black dudes down the street as I get out of my car (bbd - big black dudes... yes, I'm terrible at being politically correct, deal with it):
"HEY!  HEY!!!!  HEY!  HEY YOU!"

me:
*ignores them thinking their talking to someone else*

bbd:
"HEY!  SUU HOODIE!"  

me:
*turns around in confusion* ... "Are you talking to ME!?"

bbd:
"YES!  I'm sorry.. we just have a question."

me:
"Oh.. Okay..."
*staring at them trying to decide how sketchy they are*

bbd:
"I'm sorry, I promise we're not creeps!"

me:
**walking with very cautious steps and fearful eyes... because we all
know how I feel about rapists (well.. we all know how EVERYONE feels
about rapists)**
"Okay... you can ask me a question, just as long as you don't rape me!" 

YES, that is a DIRECT QUOTE folks.  Awkward, much?  

bbd:
 "We promise."
**walk over**

bbd:
"We're your neighbors from across the street."

me:
"OHHHH!  Hi!  Nice to meet you... what do you need help with?"

bbd:
Can we borrow like.... a really really big POT.

Pretty normal, right?

me:
Ummmm... sure. wait here. 
ain't no way they way they were comin in my house, no matter what promises they made...

*searches for pot.. grab our biggest one*
Is this big enough?

bbd:
"Uhhh... Awwww...." 
**look at each other like disappointed bbd do**
"naw.... I don't think that'll work actually, thanks though."

me:
"We have a slowcooker, will that work?"

bbd:
"How deep?"

me:
*fetches crockpot*

bbd:
"awww.... uhhh.... naw, that prolly won't do it."
**look at each other like there is some inside joke I don't know...**

me:
Can I ask what you're doing with it?

bbd;
*look at each other like... somethin suuuuper sketchy is goin on that
they don't want to tell me about*
"uh... cooking?"

me:
"Umm... I don't believe you, like... at all."

bbd#1: 
"We're conducting an experiment."

Me: 
"An experiment??? come on, you've gotta give me more than that.."

bbd#1:
*looking at bbd#2*  
":Naw, naw man, it's fine, I'll tell her.  Nothing we've gotta hide..."

**** MIND YOU:  At this point my mind is like, goin CRAZY trying to
think of what terrible things someone could do with a big pot... catch
a pool of blood, store cut-off fingers... IDK,.. but I was
concerned.*****

*looking back at me*  

"We were going to cook up some alcohol in it."

Me:
"Aaaaaaaah.  I see.  No can do boys.  You see... I'm actually a molly mormon."

bbd:
"Oh... well, yeah this is awkward.  Nice meeting you."

Me:
"WAIT!  Did you say you were going to cook alcohol?  Umm.. I'm no
expert but....... pretty sure you can't ferment something in an hour."

bbd;
"Yeah... well.. like we said, it's an experiment."

Me: 
"Yeah, I'd say sorry we don't have something you can use, but... I'm not."

bbd:
"Yeah..... well... it's just because, it's a celebration."

Me:
"A celebration?"

bbd:
"Yeah... it's a birthday!"

Me:
"Ever hear of CAKE?"

bbd:
"Whaaat?"

Me:
"Cake, ya know, you eat it to celebrate birthdays."

bbd:
"Awww, right!  Yeah.. that's pretty much what this is supposed to be like."

Me:
"Once again... I'm no expert but... I've never had a cake that tastes
like alcohol before."

bbd:
"No no no the alcohol tastes like cake."

Me:
**raises eyebrows**

"Ahh.. welll.. goodnight. It was nice meeting you.  I'd say sorry I couldn't help ya but... I'm not.   Uh...Good luck...?  Not really? I hope you find something better to do?   I don't know... this is awkward."

bbd:
"Yeah.... goodnight."

MORAL OF THE STORY:  Do not come to my home at 10pm asking for ANYTHING that has to do with alcohol.   

I really do love my job.

Guess who's job it was to deal with...

directing hundreds of high schoolers and their coaches,

dealing with football players who think public nudity is funny (actually, one of my volunteers dealt with most of that since I was off dealing with other things, I'm just going to be dealing with the aftermath),

finding out I was going to be stage managing a show... less than hour before the show starts, 

being a nurse to injured students, 

calming down crazy parents, 

getting money back from vending machines for poor little kiddos,

running around and around and around and around,

calming down an entire auditorium (and a half.. people were pouring out) of high schoolers and their crazy parents and coaches,

getting free pastry pub veggie wraps (score!),

teaching a ballet workshop to Billy Joel, Joe Bros, and Adele music, 

make sure everyone was where they needed to be, when they needed to be there, 

keeping a smile on.


....and that ain't the half of it....  yep, I coordinated a HUGE dance competition this weekend, and I must say... for what my job was supposed to be and how much I actually took on, I did pretty swell. :)  
*pats self on back*

Sounds crazy right?  Well, I loved it!  Favorite part of my job so far, I LOVE event planning and problem solving, and I love being in a position where people come to me for help. :) 

Life's not fair.

I just need to let this out, even though I shouldn't.  I tried writing a letter and not showing anyone, but I'm being an emotional teenage girl right now, who needs to tell the world about why she's upset.  So, since I don't have anyone to tell, and no one really reads this. I'm putting it here... and I'll probably end up deleting it tomorrow because I'll realize it was stupid and negative of me to post it, but I'm posting it.   I'm sick of no one knowing what's going on and I'm sick of everyone being afraid to ask.

Sometimes life isn't fair.

I want to be the skinny, talented girl going to China again with all of my friends.

I don't want to be the one who was told that I wouldn't be invited back for reasons I don't know and understand.

I've been dealing with it fine for the past few months, I was just happy for my friends who get to go.

...but for some reason, last night... I just cracked.

Last year I wasn't the skinny, talented girl who deserved to go to China with all of my friends.  

For some reason, Heavenly Father decided to let me have opportunity I didn't deserve.   For some reason, Heavenly Father felt like I deserved to have adventures and learn some lessons on the other side of the world.

For some reason, life wasn't fair.

It would have been fair for the older, more talented dancers to go.  They had worked hard for longer and were much more skilled in both technique and performance than I was.  They deserved it, but life wasn't fair, and I took a place that many of them should have had.

For some reason, Heavenly Father wants me to stay on this side of the world this time.  He wants me to be the one left behind this time.

For some reason, this time, life is fair.  

Guess what... sometimes it's harder when life is fair.