So, I met the neighbors from across the street...

It went like this:

2 big black dudes down the street as I get out of my car (bbd - big black dudes... yes, I'm terrible at being politically correct, deal with it):
"HEY!  HEY!!!!  HEY!  HEY YOU!"

me:
*ignores them thinking their talking to someone else*

bbd:
"HEY!  SUU HOODIE!"  

me:
*turns around in confusion* ... "Are you talking to ME!?"

bbd:
"YES!  I'm sorry.. we just have a question."

me:
"Oh.. Okay..."
*staring at them trying to decide how sketchy they are*

bbd:
"I'm sorry, I promise we're not creeps!"

me:
**walking with very cautious steps and fearful eyes... because we all
know how I feel about rapists (well.. we all know how EVERYONE feels
about rapists)**
"Okay... you can ask me a question, just as long as you don't rape me!" 

YES, that is a DIRECT QUOTE folks.  Awkward, much?  

bbd:
 "We promise."
**walk over**

bbd:
"We're your neighbors from across the street."

me:
"OHHHH!  Hi!  Nice to meet you... what do you need help with?"

bbd:
Can we borrow like.... a really really big POT.

Pretty normal, right?

me:
Ummmm... sure. wait here. 
ain't no way they way they were comin in my house, no matter what promises they made...

*searches for pot.. grab our biggest one*
Is this big enough?

bbd:
"Uhhh... Awwww...." 
**look at each other like disappointed bbd do**
"naw.... I don't think that'll work actually, thanks though."

me:
"We have a slowcooker, will that work?"

bbd:
"How deep?"

me:
*fetches crockpot*

bbd:
"awww.... uhhh.... naw, that prolly won't do it."
**look at each other like there is some inside joke I don't know...**

me:
Can I ask what you're doing with it?

bbd;
*look at each other like... somethin suuuuper sketchy is goin on that
they don't want to tell me about*
"uh... cooking?"

me:
"Umm... I don't believe you, like... at all."

bbd#1: 
"We're conducting an experiment."

Me: 
"An experiment??? come on, you've gotta give me more than that.."

bbd#1:
*looking at bbd#2*  
":Naw, naw man, it's fine, I'll tell her.  Nothing we've gotta hide..."

**** MIND YOU:  At this point my mind is like, goin CRAZY trying to
think of what terrible things someone could do with a big pot... catch
a pool of blood, store cut-off fingers... IDK,.. but I was
concerned.*****

*looking back at me*  

"We were going to cook up some alcohol in it."

Me:
"Aaaaaaaah.  I see.  No can do boys.  You see... I'm actually a molly mormon."

bbd:
"Oh... well, yeah this is awkward.  Nice meeting you."

Me:
"WAIT!  Did you say you were going to cook alcohol?  Umm.. I'm no
expert but....... pretty sure you can't ferment something in an hour."

bbd;
"Yeah... well.. like we said, it's an experiment."

Me: 
"Yeah, I'd say sorry we don't have something you can use, but... I'm not."

bbd:
"Yeah..... well... it's just because, it's a celebration."

Me:
"A celebration?"

bbd:
"Yeah... it's a birthday!"

Me:
"Ever hear of CAKE?"

bbd:
"Whaaat?"

Me:
"Cake, ya know, you eat it to celebrate birthdays."

bbd:
"Awww, right!  Yeah.. that's pretty much what this is supposed to be like."

Me:
"Once again... I'm no expert but... I've never had a cake that tastes
like alcohol before."

bbd:
"No no no the alcohol tastes like cake."

Me:
**raises eyebrows**

"Ahh.. welll.. goodnight. It was nice meeting you.  I'd say sorry I couldn't help ya but... I'm not.   Uh...Good luck...?  Not really? I hope you find something better to do?   I don't know... this is awkward."

bbd:
"Yeah.... goodnight."

MORAL OF THE STORY:  Do not come to my home at 10pm asking for ANYTHING that has to do with alcohol.