Stop letting her twirl a knife around inside your abdomen.

I don't know about you... but if someone came charging at me with a knife in their hands and rage in their eyes, and then stabbed that knife into my body... I'd probably push that person away as hard and fast as I could, while screaming at them, and then seek some medical attention ASAP to get that wound taken care of.

I wouldn't really think "uhhh... if I push them away they might get a little hurt.   They might also think I'm mad at them and I really don't want them to feel bad at all."

Right?  I don't think anyone I know would have that thought process.

When people metaphorically stab me intentionally I pretty much respond the same way.  

"OUCH! BACK OFF!!!!"  

I'm not going to stab them back - but I'm definitely not going to feel bad for the metaphorical shove and yell. 

Well guess what I just realized... if a friend was absentmindedly waving her hands around in the kitchen that I was standing in, and as she was waving her hands around that knife stabbed into my abdomen... I should probably still make a little noise and push her away as fast as I can. 

Well... I've realized that that isn't what I do...

Listen to this ridiculous logic.  In that moment when my friend swings that knife into me and somehow doesn't notice... I stay quiet and hold as still as possible. 

Sometimes the friend is REALLY OBLIVIOUS and STILL doesn't notice that her knife is in my abdomen, and starts absentmindedly twirling the knife around in her hands.... WHILE IT'S INSIDE ME.  And at that point I think that maybe there's a polite way to get her to stop and help me take care of this without making her feel bad because she just stabbed me.  

Why polite?  Because, I'm thinking... really this is my own fault, I should not have been standing in the kitchen while my friend was dancing with the butcher knife in her hand!  (and yeah... I really shouldn't have.  That was dumb.)  

I don't want her to feel bad about the stabbing when really I should have prevented it... So I politely tap her on the shoulder and start quietly saying: 

"Hey umm... could you maybe stop twirling your hand?  I mean... if it's convenient... no rush."  

But my friend has her headphones in, so she doesn't hear me.  So she just keeps dancing and twirling that knife around to keep rhythm with that song she's jammin' out to.  

A few minutes of this tapping and politely requesting that the knife be removed go by, and finally I realize I'm going to have to raise my voice a little to pull her out of that zone she's in.  So even though I know that no one likes being yelled at... I've realized I'm bleeding, so I start to shout at my friend: 

"HEY! CAN YOU PLEEEEEASE STOP TWIRLING THAT KNIFE AND HELP ME OUT!?!  I'M BLEEDING!  THIS KIND OF HUUUUUURTS!"

 and that finally gets my friend's attention.

he stops dancing while she stares at me for a second like I'm crazy... but she doesn't turn down her music... so I'm yelling, trying to get her to hear me over her music, and I'm pointing at the knife, and trying to mime to her that I need her to stop twirling that knife... but her favorite part comes on so she just shrugs and starts gettin her groove back on.  

I try yelling again, but when she looks back and I point and mime again, she's just NOT GETTING IT.  

And this whole twirling knife thing REALLY hurts, and I'm bleeding a LOT.

This whole time there are other people standing outside the window looking into the kitchen and they see this knife in my gut, so they're yelling, "GET HER TO STOP!!!"  and I'm turning to them, saying 

"Yeah but... if I pull it out I'm going to have to grab her wrist really hard and I don't want to leave a bruise!" and of course the onlookers say:

"YOU ARE BLEEDING.  Your friend can handle the bruise!!! MAKE HER STOP."

 and I suddenly realize how ridiculous I'm being.  I mean look at me... I am BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!  

So I grab my friend's wrist and stop her from twirling the knife as I yell "OWWWWWW!!!"  and push her away.  

and yeah... she's a little shocked by the sudden jerk of me yanking her arm... and yeah.... this could have all been prevented if I wasn't standing in the kitchen.. and yeah...I did bruise her wrist... but the knife is out, and I can work on stopping the bleeding.

Disclaimer:  This is NOT intended to be a passive aggressive post.  I swear.  I will be shocked if the person who was metaphorically dancing in the kitchen with the butcher knife ends up seeing this one day.  I just really did have this epiphany and wanted to show off my metaphor making skills. 

(Also... let's all try to be a little more careful about where we swing our arms when we're holding a butcher knife.)

You are His.

So... this is me being the most vulnerable I've ever been on the blog.   I'm posting a picture of my journal entry from last night... because I think that sometimes being vulnerable allows your experiences and insights to help others.   A lot of people will probably read this and think it's dumb, but that's okay because I'm not posting this to get attention, or compliments, or validation.  I'm posting this because I don't need those.  I'm posting this because I was having a rough week when I started writing in my journal, fully intending to vent... and instead Heavenly Father gave me comfort and confidence as I wrote - changing the message I was sending to myself.  I'm posting this because I know there are people out there who struggle with this a lot more than I do.  There are people who feel the way I felt for the past few weeks all the time.  There are people who might need to hear this.  Maybe one of those people will read this blog, and maybe it will remind them to change their perspective like it helped me remember to change mine.. 

 

P.S.  God is amazing.  He has so many incredible ways of answering my prayers and helping me to remember the things he's been telling me all along.   He is SO great. 

and so are you.