MAN UP.

Sorry if this post is a little long... I think it's important for both guys and girls and I hope everyone can learn/be reminded of something. 


I'm sick of piggish boys thinking it's fine to act disrespectful.  It's wrong and I will not tolerate it.  


I had an interesting evening yesterday.  

I was minding my own business... just catching up with some friends on Facebook while I tried to fix something on my computer.   

Suddenly, Skype went off telling me I had a notification. 

I had been randomly added to a conversation with a huge group of people, by some kid I barely knew in high school who somehow ended up in my skype contacts. 

I started reading, trying to figure out what was going on, and was absolutely APPALLED by the things these boys were saying.  There was some definite"bro-talk" going on.  

I couldn't figure out how to get out of the conversation and stop getting notified every time someone said something.  (I was waiting to chat with a friend on skype otherwise I would have just  closed out of the program completely - I probably should have still done that.) Finally, I just asked "What is this? " "Why am I in this conversation?"

All this did was get the boys' attention to the fact that there was a girl none of them knew (or at least, knew they knew), who was somehow in this conversation.  

Instead of stopping their "locker room talk", they turned it on me.

Rude comments were made... Not only about me, but to me.  I was asked to perform sexual favors and send inappropriate pictures...  I was horrified by the fact that these boys were actually saying these things to me, and not one of them was standing up against the others. 

All I kept asking was how to get out of the conversation.  None of the boys would tell me.   They just kept egging each other on as the comments got worse and worse.   I probably should have left, but I was mad and I didn't want these boys to get away with thinking this was okay.   

I gave them a SMALL piece of my mind (should have given them more), but they still kept going.

Finally, some boy took pity on me and removed me from the conversation, since I couldn't figure out how to do it myself.  

I was ticked.  I was beyond ticked, I was livid. 

Yes, I am aware they were joking.  Yes, I understand that was "bro-talk", and I've heard that "boys will be boys."    That does not make it okay. 

After texting a friend about what happened, I found out that these boys were all preparing to serve missions, some had even received their calls already. 

A few of the boys hunted me out on Facebook and messaged me to apologize afterwards. 

I didn't tell those boys everything I wanted to, in fact I wish I would have said more. 

I did, however, tell these boys that what they did was not okay under any conditions.  Peer pressure is not an excuse to turn any girl into an object.  I let them know that I was disappointed when I learned that they were preparing to serve missions.  I explained that it is NEVER okay to talk to OR around a woman like that.  

Then I told them I accepted their apology. 
That was hard.  Most of the apologies didn't seem very genuine.  I wasn't ready to let "I'm sorry" be enough... but I'm not going to let myself have that hate in my heart.  Thankfully it's my job to forgive, not to judge.

I said something to those boys,I tried to get them to understand how inappropriate their behavior was.   But, let's be real.  I doubt it really had an impact on them, and even if it did, there are still so many other guys out there just like them. So I'm writing this post and hoping maybe THIS reaches someone.



Here are my takeaways from this experience:

BOYS:

1.  It is NEVER okay to speak crudely around, or to a girl/woman.  NEVER.

2.  It is NEVER okay to turn women into an object.  Whether you say these disrespectful things to their face or behind their back, you are still in the wrong.   

3.  I know it must be hard to find friends who don't act like this.  Too bad.  You should care more about having a good relationship with your Heavenly Father anyway, He's the one whose opinion really matters.   Sometimes you have to stand alone, man up and do it.  

4. NEVER use peer pressure as an excuse for your behavior.  I understand it's hard.  That doesn't make it okay.   Be the standout who stops disrespect.  

Guys, try a little harder to deserve us.  We'll do our best to be worth the extra effort. 



GIRLS:

 

(I thought I'd try pin-language first to get my point across)

1. Be careful who you date.  You don't want someone who's going back and participating in "locker room talk"  with his buddies about you after you hangout.  

2. DO NOT LET GUYS GET AWAY WITH THIS.  Seriously.  It sounded to me like conversations like this had happened between these boys before with a girl involved.  Why do these boys think it's okay to ask these things or make those comments?   Aren't they getting shut down hardcore each time they say something like that?  Apparently not.  I guess us girls are sending the message that it's okay. STOP.
       -Call them out.  If a guy is acting disrespectful and you don't like it, tell him.
       - Stop rewarding their bad behavior.  Don't laugh it off like it's no big deal and keep hanging out with the guys, leave.  
3. Don't do anything at all to encourage them.  Specifically, watch your language and dress modestly.  Not because "boys will be boys" and it's our job to make it easier on them,  but because you should have more self respect than that.  You don't need attention from the guys who want you because you show a lot of skin, or because you can crack a dirty joke.  You need attention from guys who think you are amazing.  You need attention from the guys who would be mad to see anyone treat you with a even a tiny sliver of disrespect. 

They're out there, girls.  Those guys worth dating.   Those men who think you're worth staying clean for.  The boys who care enough about you and their Heavenly Father to stand up for you, instead of joining in the "bro-talk".  Be patient.  Wait for them.  The more we as women settle for being treated like dirt, the more they will treat us that way.

Attention from a guy is not the most important thing in the world.  You can wait until you find one who gives you the right attention.



Let's all decide to not let things like this happen anymore.  The reason instances like this have become normal and acceptable is because we let them.