Chambers Family Thanksgiving Dinner Excerpts

Normally on Thanksgiving, we get together with our giant extended family, so we're just in charge of the potatoes and a pie or two.  This year my mom thought it would be fun to have just our immediate family.  It was a chaotic, confusing  meal for all involved.

(and by that I mean... we're perfect and we had a flawless meal with absolutely no tupperware involved and no burnt casseroles.)


Dad: "What is this??? An electric knife for carving this turkey?  This isn't what I use to carve the turkey!"
Mom: "Yeah....I don't know.  It's up to you, I just gave you three knife options so you could use your preference."
Dad: "Wait... what do I normally use?"
Mom: "I have no idea."
Dad: "Hold on.... do I usually carve the turkey?"
Mom: "...Um....."
Dad; "Have I ever carved a turkey before???"
Mom: *shrugs*



Dad: "Bryce.  Pull up a youtube video on how to carve a turkey and tell me what he's saying.  But make sure it's only a 3 or 4 minute one."
Bryce: "Okay so he's slicing the drumstick"
Dad:"Wait how is he slicing it?  Horizontal or vertical?  And how did he get the drumstick off of the turkey?"
Bryce: "I don't know, he's talking too fast!"
Dad: "Well rewind it."
Me: "Yeah... he's still talking and carving way too fast to see what's going on. The video is sped up so that it will fit in 3 minutes."
Dad: "Well then slow it down using the little tool thingy in the youtube video."
Bryce:  "What? Slow down the video?"
Dad:  Yes.... google "How to slow down a youtube video if you can't figure it out."
...
Bryce: "Okay... so now you slice the thigh"
Dad: "How?"
Jackson: "Umm... you put it down on the board and you.... slice it. You just do it."
Dad: "I need you to describe it to me. HOW is he slicing the thigh.... somebody come show me."
Me: "Dad how about you just come over to the other counter and watch the video?  It might be faster..."
Dad: "T!  I do not have TIME to watch the video. Can't you see I'm trying to carve the turkey as fast as I can?!?"




"Wait... why do we have brussel sprouts again?"
"Dad likes them."
"Is anyone eating the brussel sprouts besides Dad?"
"It's Dad's special treat."
"Brussel sprouts are a treat??"
Dad (completely genuine): "Yeah... plus I feel like.. ya know, brussel sprouts are like asparagus... they have like, a "cool factor" to them.  Don't you just feel neat when you eat brussel sprouts?"




Dad: "Hey Mom, I think we need to have a family home evening where I teach the kids how to carve chickens.  That way one day they can carve a turkey.  It's an important thing to know."
Mom: "..."
Dad: "We could just go get a bunch of rotisserie chickens and instead of yanking them off the bone we can slice them up for practice."
Mom: "... mmmhmmm...."
Me: "What about Cornish Hens?  Those are small..... oooh!  Or quail!  That would be classy!"
Dad:  "YES!  We'll have a quail carving lesson!!  Brilliant, T!  ... Wait!  I have a better idea!  We can raise our own chickens."
Me: "That's perfect!  You could get so many FHE's out of that!  How to raise chickens, then how to shoot them - you could get at least 5 lessons out of that, like gun safety, and target practice, and..."
Mom: "T!  They don't SHOOT the chickens!!! They wring their necks."
Dad: "Okay so that's only going to be one lesson on killing the chickens."
Me: "So we're going to need a cow."
Mom: "What??"
Me: "Well how else are we going to get the shooting lessons in?  This is a year's worth of FHE lessons you don't have to plan now, Mom.  I'm just trying to help make your life easier."
Dad: "We definitely need a cow."



"Did you figure out how to get that casserole to cook faster?"
"Um..."
"Did you try the broiler?"
"YUP."
"Well did it work?"
"Ummm... well kind of.  It's dark brown and crispy now."
"Is it supposed to be dark brown and crispy?? I thought you were just trying to melt the cheese."
"Yeah... no. Not supposed to be crispy."



"Wow.  This is a nice looking meal! Look, just the stuffing alone is how much we normally eat in a meal!  We need a picture of this, this is a beautiful meal!"
"Quick, someone get a picture!  You can post this online"
"Take your hands and pretend like you're getting some turkey... DON'T ACTUALLY TAKE SOME YET!  This is just for the picture!"
"Ahh!  The punch is in a tupperware pitcher!"
"Quick! Somebody move the punch!"
"We don't want anyone to know we own tupperware."
"Well we certainly don't want them knowing that we use it for THANKSGIVING."
"No no no, we're too classy for that.  Only the fine China.  It's a special occasion."
"We would never be that tacky on a holiday."
"That's what we tell everyone who asks.  WE DID NOT SERVE FROM TUPPERWARE"
....
later during cleanup
....
"Wait... Now we're transferring this all back into the tupperware to put it in the fridge?  Like... why did we ever change it to these dishes?"
"IT'S THANKSGIVING!!!!"




"Okay... now take an 'after' picture."
"Umm... it looks the same.  Can you guys eat some more?  Or just put it on your plates for the picture?"
"I love having Thanksgiving with just our family... look at all these leftovers we get to keep!"
"UGH.  Our fridge is going to stay in Tetris mode for WEEKS."




"Well... that was fun guys.  Who's ready to help hang up the Christmas decorations???? :D"