The Queen has fallen.

I am the QUEEN of interviews.  I have never interviewed for a job without getting the position - usually on the spot, at a higher rate of pay than they originally offered.

Yeah, I'm good.

Awkward, homeless-looking Tiana turns into poised, classy, professional Tiana.

It's a real gift.

I always nail interviews.  ALWAYS.



...

Except for today.


As a not-exactly-last-but-definitely-not-first resort, I decided to apply for a summer job at a clothing store.

I speak English.  I can count money.  I wear clothes.

I sound qualified, right?


Well here's how the interview went:

The store is about 20 minutes away from my house, so I left 40 minutes early so I would get there early and have time to spare.  Great planning, right?

wrong.

I forgot that today was high school graduation... which really wouldn't be such a big deal except that half the county's high schools have their graduation ceremonies in an event center right off the exit I needed to take to get to the store.

I was stuck in standstill traffic on my way to an interview, when I looked down at the clock and realized the interview was supposed to start in 15 minutes and I hadn't moved in 5... I called the store and told them what happened and that I was soooo sorry.

I ended up pulling in right at "my interview time, to the minute.  Not early, but I'd called and they seemed very understanding.

Phew!

Crisis Averted.

ha... yeah, right!

As I came in they handed me a questionnaire to fill out.

Here's a little sample of some of my questionnaire answers:

Please explain the difference between bootcut, flare, skinny, and bell bottom jeans  
.... I drew stick figure pictures of them all.   

(I take back that whole "I speak English" thing I said earlier in my qualifications.)

List a recent event in pop culture
Justin and Selena broke up

(Apparently they already did that and got back together... who knew?)

Please list 5 designer jean brands.  List their price ranges and where you can find each brand.  
I got Lucky jeans at an outlet once for ten bucks.

What are two trends that were in style two years ago but have now gone out of style?
I still wear my mom's clothes from the 1980's.  

(I didn't know trends disappeared once the decade was over, they change by year too?!?)

What are three brands carried at Pac Sun?
**crickets chirp**


After I turned in my mostly-blank questionnaire, I started chuckling to myself as I realized this was CLEARLY not the job for me (read this post to get a brief glimpse at my level of fashion expertise and then add in the fact that the last time I went shopping I ended up walking out of the store with 8 different colors of the exact same plain v-neck t-shirt.)

So... I'll admit, I definitely didn't try very hard in the interview that followed.

The highlight was probably when she asked me what my pet peeve was.... THIS came out of my mouth.  In a formal interview.

What is your pet peeve?

Ninja dates.

Ninja dates???

Yeah, you know... when a guy asks you out on a date but you don't realize he's asking you out on a date.  You think you're going to a big group hangout, so you're never sure if everyone else just bailed or if it is actually a date.... and sometimes you never even find out, YOU NEVER EVEN KNOW! 

..... Uh...huh...riiiiight...

...you know what I mean?  and the worst is when suddenly that guy has taken you on so many ninja dates that you have a boyfriend and you didn't even know you'd been on a date with him.  Like a NINJA BOYFRIEND.

.... ninja boyfriends are your pet peeve?

Yeah!  You've never had the whole "accidental boyfriend" thing happen before?

....can't say I've ever heard of that one..... 


...About 10 seconds into the next question I realized she was probably asking about pet peeves in relation to CLOTHING.... my bad.



Then... to top it all off, there was the grand exit:

I was so mortified by the interview that I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.  I pushed open the nearest door and...



*WAAAA WAAAA WAAAA*  




...Set off the emergency alarm.