The Queen has fallen.

I am the QUEEN of interviews.  I have never interviewed for a job without getting the position - usually on the spot, at a higher rate of pay than they originally offered.

Yeah, I'm good.

Awkward, homeless-looking Tiana turns into poised, classy, professional Tiana.

It's a real gift.

I always nail interviews.  ALWAYS.



...

Except for today.


As a not-exactly-last-but-definitely-not-first resort, I decided to apply for a summer job at a clothing store.

I speak English.  I can count money.  I wear clothes.

I sound qualified, right?


Well here's how the interview went:

The store is about 20 minutes away from my house, so I left 40 minutes early so I would get there early and have time to spare.  Great planning, right?

wrong.

I forgot that today was high school graduation... which really wouldn't be such a big deal except that half the county's high schools have their graduation ceremonies in an event center right off the exit I needed to take to get to the store.

I was stuck in standstill traffic on my way to an interview, when I looked down at the clock and realized the interview was supposed to start in 15 minutes and I hadn't moved in 5... I called the store and told them what happened and that I was soooo sorry.

I ended up pulling in right at "my interview time, to the minute.  Not early, but I'd called and they seemed very understanding.

Phew!

Crisis Averted.

ha... yeah, right!

As I came in they handed me a questionnaire to fill out.

Here's a little sample of some of my questionnaire answers:

Please explain the difference between bootcut, flare, skinny, and bell bottom jeans  
.... I drew stick figure pictures of them all.   

(I take back that whole "I speak English" thing I said earlier in my qualifications.)

List a recent event in pop culture
Justin and Selena broke up

(Apparently they already did that and got back together... who knew?)

Please list 5 designer jean brands.  List their price ranges and where you can find each brand.  
I got Lucky jeans at an outlet once for ten bucks.

What are two trends that were in style two years ago but have now gone out of style?
I still wear my mom's clothes from the 1980's.  

(I didn't know trends disappeared once the decade was over, they change by year too?!?)

What are three brands carried at Pac Sun?
**crickets chirp**


After I turned in my mostly-blank questionnaire, I started chuckling to myself as I realized this was CLEARLY not the job for me (read this post to get a brief glimpse at my level of fashion expertise and then add in the fact that the last time I went shopping I ended up walking out of the store with 8 different colors of the exact same plain v-neck t-shirt.)

So... I'll admit, I definitely didn't try very hard in the interview that followed.

The highlight was probably when she asked me what my pet peeve was.... THIS came out of my mouth.  In a formal interview.

What is your pet peeve?

Ninja dates.

Ninja dates???

Yeah, you know... when a guy asks you out on a date but you don't realize he's asking you out on a date.  You think you're going to a big group hangout, so you're never sure if everyone else just bailed or if it is actually a date.... and sometimes you never even find out, YOU NEVER EVEN KNOW! 

..... Uh...huh...riiiiight...

...you know what I mean?  and the worst is when suddenly that guy has taken you on so many ninja dates that you have a boyfriend and you didn't even know you'd been on a date with him.  Like a NINJA BOYFRIEND.

.... ninja boyfriends are your pet peeve?

Yeah!  You've never had the whole "accidental boyfriend" thing happen before?

....can't say I've ever heard of that one..... 


...About 10 seconds into the next question I realized she was probably asking about pet peeves in relation to CLOTHING.... my bad.



Then... to top it all off, there was the grand exit:

I was so mortified by the interview that I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.  I pushed open the nearest door and...



*WAAAA WAAAA WAAAA*  




...Set off the emergency alarm.

Poor men need not apply.

I am officially on the hunt.  

The boyfriend hunt.  

Am I love hungry? No.

Am I hungry, hungry? Yes.

You see... I tried sushi for the first time yesterday, and it was amazing.

So fresh and light, yet potent and flavorful.... oh!  I just died at the taste dancing around in my mouth.  

I LOVE good food.  I am willing to spend more money going out to eat than I am on a cute top.  It's a problem.  

But.. I'm also a poor college student. 

Problem?  
The biggest.

So... my plan is to find a guy who would like to buy me sushi and other delicious food in exchange for my lovely company :)  

Know anyone interested? 

I think I've gone into thrifty overdrive...

The other day as I was gluing my shoe back together for the 5th time, sighing, wishing I could justify buying new shoes, I realized something...


I am GLUING my shoe (which was a hand me down) back together for the FIFTH time.  I think I'm justified in spending a little dough on somethin to cover my feet that isn't in constant need of mending. 


I then realized something.  As a poor, college student, I have gone into THRIFT OVERDRIVE.  I thought about it, and realized that the things I wear are probably unacceptable for someone who .... no, wait... they're unacceptable for anyone.


I've come up with a short test to help you all determind if you are also in thrift overdrive:


1. Have you bought less than 6 articles of clothing within the last two years?  (Aside from souveineers bought outside the US)


2. Do you wear clothing with stains in hopes that no one will notice?


3. Do you wear clothing with holes, but justify it as long as there are layers over it?


4. Are most of your jeans either too tight or falling off?


5. Has it been almost 3 years since you bought a pair of shoes that were not church shoes or boots?


6. Was it over 3 months from the time your last pair of boots got holes in them and would leak through to your socks, to the time you bought new boots? 


7. Are most of your jeans either too tight or falling off?


8. Do you own any non-workout shorts? ... If the answer is no, is it because you only owned one pair and when they were too destroyed to wear, but for some reason you couldn't justify investing in new ones even though it's the middle of the summer?


9.Does your mother frequently tell you that you will never marry as a result of your wardrobe?


10. Does your mother ever tear up at your wardrobe, and the fact that the clothes, not the person inside the clothes (aka YOU), are clearly the reason you're not in a relationship right now?


11.Do you ever get mistaken for a hobo?


If you answered YES to any of the above questions, you may be in the THRIFT OVERDRIVE zone.  If you answered YES to all of these questions... join my thrift rehab group.