The explanation

So... I'm actually living at home this semester instead of going to school.  Here's the short version and the long version of the story, you can hear about what happened no matter how much time you have. :)

Short version:  I moved down to school last Wednesday, on Friday Heavenly Father told me to move back... so I did.

Long version: All summer all I could think about was getting back to school.  I had an amazing job I love, 2 dance scholarships, a great school schedule, great roommates in a house with perfect location and rent, a small position on student government, choreography ready for the student dance concert, and a LOT of awesome friends.  I was beyond stoked for the new semester to start.  I could not have imagined a better school year waiting for me.

A few days before I was going to head back to school I had some financial problems, it almost looked like I wouldn't be able to go back - but I fought and researched and figured things out. It would be a tight semester, but I could definitely make it with tight budgeting.  My mom kept asking if I wanted to stay home and save money, but I said "No way!  I hate living at home and everything in Cedar City is perfect and waiting for me."

I had planned to leave on Monday, but a TON of things went wrong and I somehow ended up leaving on Wednesday.  I started thinking that this might be a sign that I was supposed to stay home, but dismissed the idea.  I said a prayer and told Heavenly Father that if I was supposed to stay home I would, but he would have to be very VERY clear when he told me because that decision wouldn't make any sense... and then I left.

On my way down I ended up having to get a tire change at a small mechanic shop 45 minutes away from the city I was headed to.  Thankfully someone saw and pointed it out while I was in the drive-through.  What a tender mercy.

I finally made it to my new home and started moving in!  Moving in was great, and my excitement for the new year just kept building :) I was sooo happy and relieved to finally be there.  My roommate/bestie and I caught up and went to dinner, and I was thrilled to be home.  All day Thursday we had a blast continuing the celebration of our reunion.  Thursday night we went to a campus event and I felt extremely uncomfortable and awkward.  I didn't feel like my usual friendly self at all, and I almost felt like I didn't belong there.  I decided it was just a weird mood and headed home.

The next morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach.  I kept feeling like I needed to move home, but I prayed and told Heavenly Father "If you want me moving home you need to send me a flashing neon sign or something.  I need to be sure that it is what you want me to do if I'm going to let all of these people down and give up my perfect life for no reason.".  All day I couldn't eat, and I went to several events that I would normally thrive off of... but instead of feeling my usual happiness and excitement, I felt miserable.  I kept thinking that I might be lying to everyone, and I felt like I couldn't even fake happiness.  I finally decided that I was hormonal (after all, it made NO sense to move home, and it wasn't even something I wanted to do), so I went home and worked on finishing up with unpacking my room.

As I was unpacking, I was praying that these feelings would go away or that I would get a CLEAR answer and know that it was from Heavenly Father.  There was no way I was going home if there was a chance that this was just a weird mood.  I decided to go to the temple the next day to get some clarity.  At about 6:00 a friend called me asking if we had a extra room available for rent in our house.  Immediately I thought "this might be part of my answer", but told her "No.  I'll double check, but I don't think we have any."

I hung up the phone and started sobbing.  I said a quick prayer and felt Heavenly Father answer back, telling me to get a blessing so that I could know what to do NOW instead of waiting a day to go to the temple.

At about 6:30 a friend came over and gave me a blessing.  I won't go into details on what it said, but I will say that during the blessing I felt very strongly that moving home was the right decision, even though it was the hard one... and made zero sense.  One thing the blessing did say was that I would receive confirmation as I studied the words of the prophets and prayed.  As soon as my friend left I pulled out my scriptures and just started flipping through pages until I felt like I should stop and read.  Here are some of the things my eyes flew to:

D&C 98:12

D&C 100:12 and 15

D&C 101:7

D&C 101:16

D&C 103:12

D&C 104

D&C 78:17-20

I stopped and read most of these scriptures because I had things highlighted.  Throughout section 104 I had highlighted over and over again  that if we are faithful, we will be blessed. In 101:16 I had drawn a line under the phrase "be still and know that I am God.".  In section 78 I not only had the section highlighted, but had also drawn a box around the phrase "I will lead you along."... each page I turned to had other things highlighted... but my eye went straight to the topics of faith and trust in the Lord.

As I was reading these scriptures and receiving the constant confirmation that leaving was the right decision, I was bawling.   I was giving up my perfect life, a life where I not only get to do things I love, but also get to help people daily... to return to the place that just days ago I couldn't wait to leave. The place all of my friends had just left, the place where nearly everyday for over 3 months I had told people how badly I wanted to just get back to school already.

It may sound stupid, especially to those of you who don't know much about my life down there and how much I love the dance department... but, I have never been so heartbroken in my entire life.  All I wanted to do was lie on my bedroom floor and cry for days.... and I figured that's exactly what I would do.  I then read a scripture telling me to "not tarry" and felt like I needed to get the leaving over with.  That's when I came across 101:7 They were slow to hearken unto the voice of the Lord their God; therefore, the Lord their God is slow to hearken unto their prayers, to answer them in the day of their trouble.

I immediately felt the spirit tell me that I knew what I needed to do, and that I needed to do it right away and not put it off.  I knew that my roommate (one of my best friends) was going to be home at 9:00 and I knew that if I stayed to say goodbye and tried to explain, I would end up as a sobbing puddle on the floor again.  At 7:00 I picked myself up off the floor and started throwing everything I had just unpacked back into boxes and bags.  I texted a friend of mine and asked him to please come at 8:15 to help me move some things.   I wiped my tears and successfully made it through a trip to Walmart to get more packing supplies without having a breakdown in one of the aisles.  When I got home my pal showed up a few minutes later with two of his friends to help me move what he thought was into the house... instead I calmly(ish) told him that I was moving back to Springville and wanted to be out by 9:00.  He and his friends helped me throw everything into the car as I wrote a quick note to my roommates, and just as I had planned... I was on the road home by 9:00.

One hour into my 4 hour drive I stopped to get water and with shaking fingers sent my parents a text message: "Heavenly Father told me to come home.  So I am on the road back now.  Sorry if this messes a lot of things up."

For the first two hours of the drive I think I was crying harder than I ever have... My entire face and both of my arms were tingling and numb. The only thing I'd been able to eat all day had been part of an avocado, and I had barely had any water either.  I was physically and emotionally breaking down... but spiritually felt a strength helping me to keep driving.

I made it home safely and knowing that I made the right decision.

I'll be posting in a few days about some of my experiences since I've moved home (my roommate thinking I had actually been kidnapped because my note was so vague and brief, my parents not really supporting or understanding my decision, what I plan on doing this semester, and some other spiritual experiences)

But since this post is already ridiculously long and I am emotionally drained... I'll wrap up with a few quick thoughts:


-A few people have said "Wow, that must have been such a hard decision!"

... it wasn't.  It wasn't a decision.  If Heavenly Father tells me clearly to do something, I do it.  There's no question.  Ignoring what he tells me is not an option.  He knows and understands everything perfectly, of course I'll follow his guidance and directions.

-This is the hardest, craziest thing I have ever done.  I know it is what God wants, and that makes it easier, but that does not make it easy.  I have cried far less than I thought I would... but still more than any other time in my life.  I've been able to have hard conversations... but they have been through tears, and not all of them have gone well.  I know that this is the right decision, but I am still a bit of an emotional wreck right now.  My perfect life was just turned upside down over the course of about 2 hours, and I don't understand why yet.  I'm still having moments where I forget how to breathe.

-To everyone in my hometown:  Help me stay busy.  Let's go to parties, let's do lunch, let's do anything to keep me from sitting at home and wallowing.  Talking about it is fine, in fact it makes me feel better sometimes to explain and tell someone out loud that I know I made the right decision.  If I'm not in the mood to talk about it, I'll tell you.

-To all of those whom I have bailed on professionally:  I am sorry to leave you in a bind.  I would never do it unless Heavenly Father told me to.  Thank you for being so understanding and forgiving.

-To everyone who is stepping up and taking my place:  Thank you for being so willing, and I know you will do well... call me if you need help or want to talk through anything.

-To everyone who is feeling a little abandoned:  I'm so sorry.  All I can say is that it's breaking my heart and I don't understand why this is what I need to do.  Know that you can call me for anything, I still want to be a friend you can come to for help.

-To everyone who thought I had been kidnapped:  Seriously sorry about that... I was trying to avoid a dramatic goodbye full of sobs, not cause everyone to go into a panic.  I'm alive, and I'm okay.  I promise.

-To everyone:  I'm sorry for avoiding your calls, snapchats, and texts.  There have been times when I feel like I can't pick up the phone or I'll start crying all over again.  I have not been able to respond to all of you because I'm still feeling a little too drained... and some of you are harder to talk to than others simply because of how close I am to you.  If I haven't responded it's probably because I love you a little too much.

It's not about the money, man.

For those of you who aren't my facebook friends and didn't already see this, here's my favorite call from work today (be sure you read this in a drugged up voice):


"Okay sir, Why do you want a home business?"

"Where do you live??"

"I'm calling from Utah, but I think you may have misheard me..."

"I live in California. Have you seen the way people drive here??? I can't leave my house! It's not safe, they're maniacs out there! Living in California is like living in jail... yeah... I can't even leave my house yo." 

"Ooooookay. Got it. Well then a home business sounds perfect for you! Are you looking for a specific amount of monthly income?"

"What is money?"

"Ummm... money is..."

"Let me tell you what money is... it's just paper, man, it's just paper. That's really all it comes down to. You don't need money. Nobody needs money to be happy - am I right?"

"I see your point. Money can't buy happiness, that's true, but..."

"girls don't need money. Girls don't need a man with money to be happy. I mean... it's not about being the rich guy, am I right?? It's not about the money. Girls don't even want the guy with the money. That's NOT what girls want. I know what girls want."

"....."

".... Girls just want a man who can give them sweet lovin, 'cause that's what it's about, ya know?"

"....."

"I mean, you're a lady... aren't I right? You don't want a man with money. You want a man who can give you lots of good lovin..... you agree with me, right? I can tell.. you agree with me."

"....."

"DON'T YOU???"

"Well... I can see where you're coming from, and that's definitely an interesting perspective on life. Love is great. So, anyway... onto my next question... this company would require a $300 investment to start out, are you still interested?" 

"It's not about the money, man."

The Queen has returned, and there's been a "major" change ("Pun"ny)

Disclaimer: This post isn't incredibly funny or opinionated - it's just the regular "update on life" post I feel obligated to write every once in awhile.  Sorry to disappoint ;).

LOCATION
I really didn't want to move home for the summer, but due to some strong impressions and intervention from my Heavenly Father... I'm here.  I am completely confident that I made the right decision, even though right now it's hard and doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  Hopefully the reasons why will become clear to me, but if not... that's okay. I know it's right because God told me to do it. :)


SCHOOL

 I've decided (tentatively) that I'm now going to double major in Dance Performance... or education (I can't decide.  I need to talk to my advisor because the catalog is confusing and I have "major" commitment issues - haha see what I did there? Gotcha with another "Pun"ny major joke.)  and....

*Drumroll please*

Hospitality Management.

I want to be an event coordinator. :)

Here are my long-story-short reasons for this new endeavor:

• I started taking an education class to start certifying to teach dance in high schools and decided that for many reasons, it wasn't for me.  
• I realized that I looove event planning/management and I'm kind of good at it.
• I still love dance though, so no way am I giving that up.  Heckno techno.
• How am I (the most indecisive and commitment-in-any-form-phobic person on the planet) going to decide whether to go with dancing or event planning when I first graduate?  Well...  I'm planning on two incredible jobs (one in each field) with opposite schedules to pop up in the exact same area.  Don't tell me how improbable that is - I'll cross that bridge when I come to it... and I'll probably cross it while hyperventilating into a paper bag

WORK

I currently have two jobs and I'm sort of half-heartedly looking for a third right now. 

Job #1 

I can't believe I haven't blogged about this already!  I am a distributor for It Works Global!   

Have you heard about those crazy skinny wraps? 

I sell them (the kind that are easy, work, and have long lasting results - not those crappy 8-step-results-last-48-hours-and-you're-just-losing-water-weight wraps. Don't buy those.)  They are wraps that tighten, tone, and firm your skin in just 45 minutes.  Sounds too good to be true - but it's not!  They really do what they say and the results really do last. :) 

   There will probably be more blog posts about all of the awesome products I sell and how they are changing my life, because I really love them.  A lot.  

(Okay I can't help myself..... I have to tell you about two of the products:  FAT FIGHTERS keep fats, oils, and carbs from absorbing into my body so I can eat chinese and italian food when I have cravings and NOT see the results on the scale the next day,  and GREENS which have a TON of nutrients and turned my life around when I thought I had mono because of my lack of energy... lots o goodness, loooots o goodness)

If you want to try some of these products or have any questions for me please leave your email in a comment or go to wrapmyselfslim.myitworks.com.  You can purchase products or send me a message on there. 

Really, even if you think you can't afford it LEAVE YOUR EMAIL.  I have some sneaky ways to get you wrapped for FREE.

Job #2

I've earned my throne back! :)

The same day I BOMBED that other interview (you can read about that here if you have no idea what I'm talking about) I went to another interview a few hours later and got offered the job on the spot!  It's not a very glamorous job - so I won't explain in detail what it is right now... but the pay is GREAT, the people I met when I came in for the interview were super nice, the schedule is flexible, and I got great vibes from the company.  

(Did I mention the pay is great?? Because I'm so excited to make money.)

**Spiritual thought about this job:  I'd been having an unusually hard time finding a job, and the biggest issue I was having was that for some reason every job I applied for needed me to work Sundays.  I'd just head out mid-interview whenever they brought that up.  

I made a commitment with Heavenly Father a long time ago that I would never work Sundays unless it was a job that someone had to do on Sundays... Like people who work in hospitals, firestations, etc. 

I was getting really frustrated, but I kept praying and receiving confirmation that Heavenly Father would provide work for me.  

Little did I know, the job He had in mind for me was much more than I was expecting, and will relieve a lot of financial stress for me.

When we follow His commandments, things work out.**

Life is good.  I wish I could tell you about all of the incredible blessings I've received lately, but I don't even know if blogger would let me have a post that long.  Just know that my life is amazing and I really don't know how I am constantly receiving all that I am from my Father in Heaven - He's really given me much more than I could ever be deserving of. 

The Queen has fallen.

I am the QUEEN of interviews.  I have never interviewed for a job without getting the position - usually on the spot, at a higher rate of pay than they originally offered.

Yeah, I'm good.

Awkward, homeless-looking Tiana turns into poised, classy, professional Tiana.

It's a real gift.

I always nail interviews.  ALWAYS.



...

Except for today.


As a not-exactly-last-but-definitely-not-first resort, I decided to apply for a summer job at a clothing store.

I speak English.  I can count money.  I wear clothes.

I sound qualified, right?


Well here's how the interview went:

The store is about 20 minutes away from my house, so I left 40 minutes early so I would get there early and have time to spare.  Great planning, right?

wrong.

I forgot that today was high school graduation... which really wouldn't be such a big deal except that half the county's high schools have their graduation ceremonies in an event center right off the exit I needed to take to get to the store.

I was stuck in standstill traffic on my way to an interview, when I looked down at the clock and realized the interview was supposed to start in 15 minutes and I hadn't moved in 5... I called the store and told them what happened and that I was soooo sorry.

I ended up pulling in right at "my interview time, to the minute.  Not early, but I'd called and they seemed very understanding.

Phew!

Crisis Averted.

ha... yeah, right!

As I came in they handed me a questionnaire to fill out.

Here's a little sample of some of my questionnaire answers:

Please explain the difference between bootcut, flare, skinny, and bell bottom jeans  
.... I drew stick figure pictures of them all.   

(I take back that whole "I speak English" thing I said earlier in my qualifications.)

List a recent event in pop culture
Justin and Selena broke up

(Apparently they already did that and got back together... who knew?)

Please list 5 designer jean brands.  List their price ranges and where you can find each brand.  
I got Lucky jeans at an outlet once for ten bucks.

What are two trends that were in style two years ago but have now gone out of style?
I still wear my mom's clothes from the 1980's.  

(I didn't know trends disappeared once the decade was over, they change by year too?!?)

What are three brands carried at Pac Sun?
**crickets chirp**


After I turned in my mostly-blank questionnaire, I started chuckling to myself as I realized this was CLEARLY not the job for me (read this post to get a brief glimpse at my level of fashion expertise and then add in the fact that the last time I went shopping I ended up walking out of the store with 8 different colors of the exact same plain v-neck t-shirt.)

So... I'll admit, I definitely didn't try very hard in the interview that followed.

The highlight was probably when she asked me what my pet peeve was.... THIS came out of my mouth.  In a formal interview.

What is your pet peeve?

Ninja dates.

Ninja dates???

Yeah, you know... when a guy asks you out on a date but you don't realize he's asking you out on a date.  You think you're going to a big group hangout, so you're never sure if everyone else just bailed or if it is actually a date.... and sometimes you never even find out, YOU NEVER EVEN KNOW! 

..... Uh...huh...riiiiight...

...you know what I mean?  and the worst is when suddenly that guy has taken you on so many ninja dates that you have a boyfriend and you didn't even know you'd been on a date with him.  Like a NINJA BOYFRIEND.

.... ninja boyfriends are your pet peeve?

Yeah!  You've never had the whole "accidental boyfriend" thing happen before?

....can't say I've ever heard of that one..... 


...About 10 seconds into the next question I realized she was probably asking about pet peeves in relation to CLOTHING.... my bad.



Then... to top it all off, there was the grand exit:

I was so mortified by the interview that I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.  I pushed open the nearest door and...



*WAAAA WAAAA WAAAA*  




...Set off the emergency alarm.

I really do love my job.

Guess who's job it was to deal with...

directing hundreds of high schoolers and their coaches,

dealing with football players who think public nudity is funny (actually, one of my volunteers dealt with most of that since I was off dealing with other things, I'm just going to be dealing with the aftermath),

finding out I was going to be stage managing a show... less than hour before the show starts, 

being a nurse to injured students, 

calming down crazy parents, 

getting money back from vending machines for poor little kiddos,

running around and around and around and around,

calming down an entire auditorium (and a half.. people were pouring out) of high schoolers and their crazy parents and coaches,

getting free pastry pub veggie wraps (score!),

teaching a ballet workshop to Billy Joel, Joe Bros, and Adele music, 

make sure everyone was where they needed to be, when they needed to be there, 

keeping a smile on.


....and that ain't the half of it....  yep, I coordinated a HUGE dance competition this weekend, and I must say... for what my job was supposed to be and how much I actually took on, I did pretty swell. :)  
*pats self on back*

Sounds crazy right?  Well, I loved it!  Favorite part of my job so far, I LOVE event planning and problem solving, and I love being in a position where people come to me for help. :) 

Workin girl

The week after I got home from school I spent most of my time applying for jobs.  I probably applied for 50+ jobs, because I applied for 8-10 a day Monday-Saturday.  Why so many?  Well.. many reasons:

1. I am only going to be here for the summer and 90% of those jobs aren't looking for people that temporary
2. If I couldn't find a full time job I was hoping to have 2-3 part time jobs
3. I wasn't super picky about what jobs I applied for.  I have no college degree and I'm only here for a few months.  Beggars can't be choosers!  (I did avoid fast food and custodial, though... deciding those would be a last resort)

Since I had no job and desperately needed one (I literally have NO money since I couldn't work this last school year or last summer).  I decided that until I found a job... looking for a job was my full-time job.

Well... Guess what... SUCCESS! 

I had job offers like crazy.. and I ended up taking a job at Elite Security as a scheduler.  (Worst pay I was offered - but I felt really good about it - plus I usually don't start work until after 10, which is great for me since I'm not a morning person at all... in fact I'm a morning beast. raawwr.)

I really like my job.  Here is why:
1. once again.... I like the hours
2. I never have to work on Sunday :)
3. I get to talk to the same people every day, so I've become buds with them.
4. Super chill.. I made numerous mistakes my first week and was terrified I was going to get fired... nope. They still love me.
5. Swivel chair!
6. It's a call center... but I don't have a script.. and I actually don't mind talking on the phone all day.
7. When things are slow... I can do whatever I want as long as I stay in my swivel chair.  Read, surf the internet, play sudoku, text.. whatevs.
8. When we're busy I get to be a multi-tasking wonder - I love it.
9. My co-workers are fantastic
10. I get to problem solve.

also... the techs and reps I get to talk to tell me I am "the best"... pretty sure they say that to everyone, but it's always a nice little ego boost :)

Okay so...  it may not be the most amazing job in the world, but I think it's pretty neat...

usually...

EXCEPT....

ohmygoshtodayhasbeensoslowIthinkI'mgonnadie!!!!

For rizzle. 

It has been RIDICULOUSLY slow today.  Normally I can keep myself entertained no problemo, but... I have exhausted my resources.

I'm pretty sure I've stalked 5 blogs (years and years back), played 10 different miniclip games, read 15 different news articles, and completed 50 sudoku puzzles.. 

Guess what.. Facebook is blocked, undestandable. But, also... PINTEREST is blocked too!  I'm just dyin trying to find a way to waste my time at this desk.

I love having little breaks from the busy to relax, but seriously this is out of hand. 

I forgot to bring a book today - the one day I would actually have time to read it!  So bad. 

Also (prepare yourself... there is a tangent coming straight at ya!)... I am trying to be healthier and eat food that is better for me - also.. I am working on PORTION CONTROL, because the metabolism I had in high school decided to run away screaming when I graduated. 

I'm not very happy about it, but I have come to terms with the fact that I have to actually work to get to my normal weight now. skahiotesklahturrrrgh. I really really REALLY love food so this sucks soooo bad - eating healthy is not a big of a deal, I love healthy food, but the portions I'm supposed to be eating....ridiculous.  hmph. ... ANYWAY this attempt at PORTION CONTROL (the term brings a shudder to my soul)  resulted in me eating only a Costco poppyseed muffin for lunch. 

 I know half of you reading this cannot fathom devouring an entire Costco muffin in one sitting... I am not like you people with itty bitty tummies.  My friends used to go into shock when I ordered only one tray of food at Wendy's...  a Costco muffin is not even a full snack in my old diet... but I'm trying really hard to be better. 

Well, guess what... IamsoridiculouslyhungrythatIfeellikemystomachhasstarteddevouringitselfandImightkeeloveratanysecond!!! Serious.

  I'm in legit pain and at a very high level of grumpiness right now.  I ate lunch 7 1/2 hours ago and I was hungry for more right after I ate it. 

I have been drinking my water,
I have been chewing my gum,
I have been focusing on other things...
and guess what:  IT IS NOT WORKING. 

I am looking at my notebook right now and contemplating eating the paper... okay, that's a lie... but this is still not ok. 

Good thing my sister Kayli was in charge of dinner tonight and she made tostadas, which I will be enjoying in approximately 1 hr.  :D Happy tummy...coming soon.  

Anyway.. storal of the mory:  I need ideas for things to keep me busy at work - but they also have to be things I am able to put down at any second to answer the phone or type something up... and nothing I have to download.  So please... help prevent a day like this from ever happening again and give me tips for when this tragic situation occurs again. 

Love you all, I will be my usual, jolly, self again in approximately... 50 minutes. :)