patient, but ready.

Alright, so as a continuation from my last post about crazy Utah college girls and their opinions on marriage... Here's my further thoughts on the matter:

Throughout the last two years, I have been in almost every category I mentioned in my last post.  My opinion has been swinging from one extreme to the other depending on the week, the day, and the number of friends I'd had get engaged each week.  I'm sure most of you have heard me saying one or more of the following (and I am more than a little ashamed to admit this... ):

"All the good ones are either taken or gay"
 (well.. to be fair, I'm in the dance department... so I really don't meet my fair share of straight guys)

"hmm.. let me think about it... are there going to be a lot of hot RMs there?"

"I just really want to fall in love"

(still true.. I am a hopeless romantic... but not so picky about WHEN I fall in love)

"I'm in a committed relationship with dance"

"a relationship would take me away from my *insert activity here: schoolwork, dancing, pinteresting*,  I don't have time to look at men"

"I can't get married until I've graduated college because, let's face it, if I have a hot husband there's no way Ill be focusing on schoolwork."

"I'll just be a cat lady, with no cats."

"who needs men, anyway?"

"I've got my whole life to be married, I'd like to be single as long as possible before the majority of my life begins"

"the only guys I attract are creepers, I refuse to marry a creep. Therefore... I will never marry."

"I'm on a man fast."

(Yes. I really did go on a man fast, I refused to like anyone, flirt with anyone, or try at all in the man department for a few months.  I'll just explain why I did that and why I called it off in a separate blog post because I have too many words to say about that for it to be a subsection on this post.) 

Pretty conflicting statements, eh?

  Yeah.. imagine being in my brain and trying to sort these out and figure where I stand while hearing very positive arguments from every nutso angle.  

Yep, it's been rough. 

I don't want to be stupid and rush into marriage before I'm ready like a lot of girls do... but, not gonna lie, I'm also super stoked for marriage.  

I mean... just think of all the perks:

-I will always have a person to go to things with... games, parties, movies, whateva


-having someone who (most of the time, from what I've seen...) gets me, and has the same standards as me


-a person you can bounce off of, comedy at it's finest. (at least for me that's absolutely crucial)


-eternal scripture study buddy! 


-someone to set goals with


-someone to make decisions with


-permanent cuddle buddy :) 


-lotsa kissing.


-He will never move away- well... at least not in the kind of marriage I plan on having... we will not be doing a long distance marriage thing... unless it's for a very very very short amount of time.  Living apart for years doesn't really sound like marriage to me.


-someone to cook meals with :)


-no more awkward first dates


-dates!


-always a man to check the house for psychos when you hear weird noises at night


-best friend ...forever! :)  makes me grin just thinking about it! 


-someone to tell me I'm beautiful, and hilarious, and amazing, and that they love me, and all that good stuff. :)


-I won't have to be afraid of getting stuck with crazy roommates! not that my roommates now are crazy - they're fantastic actually! :)


-someone to make me soup when I'm sick :)


-dance partner 


- and i could go on and on and on and on... but most of all.... 
ETERNAL LOVE.. doesn't that just sound like the best thing in the world??? I sure think so. :) 

but

marriage is not all fine and dandy... from what I hear it's actually pretty tricky stuff.  Bills, disagreements, differences between men and women, communication styles, all that jazz... it's tough. 

plus, I find it so crazy that two people can actually fall in love... 

I mean the odds that I will find someone who: 

a) I find attractive
b) has the same standards as
c) has the same sense of humor as
d) I can have long, deep, meaningful conversations with
e) I think is the most incredible guy in the world
f) I can talk to about anything

are super super slim. 

I am one picky chick. 

on top of that... HE has to reciprocate all these things! 

 what are the odds that we are both going to feel the same way about eachother? 

 Plus, he has to be strong in the gospel, love the Lord more than anyone-even me, and meet a bunch of other criteria.

I can't help but wonder how in the world all of that is going to line up...

I've had feelings for amazing guys before - but they haven't felt the same about me.... then I've had guys have pretty strong feelings for me before - but I definitely didn't feel the same about them.

 Blows my freakin mind that people get married every day.  

Seriously.... love is some crazy stuff. 

plus.. 

A lot of the time I really feel terrified of marriage. 

Sometimes I still feel super young, I'm only 20, after all. I graduated high school less than 2 years ago.  

I have never been in love.  

I've never had a boyfriend

...and to be honest I haven't really dated that much at all.   
(which is fine - PLEASE, this is not a desperate cry for dates!  I am not someone who feels the need to be going on dates with a million guys in order to have some self-worth.)

It seems like I should knock those things out first...

 but then again, I honestly don't want to get in a relationship with someone if I think there's no chance I could marry them. 

 Call me crazy, but

 if I don't think there's at least a chance I could marry that person, why date them? 

 where is it going to go?  

It's only going to end in heartbreak.

 So if I don't feel ready to get married, why try to date?

So... I refused to try to do anything to prepare for marriage.. thinking that it would mean I was husband hunting.  

My friend asked me to take "preparing for an eternal marriage" with her at the institute.  Heckno techno.  
If I'm prepared that means I want to get married right now... better off to just be clueless, right?

but then....

I started having these terrifying thoughts... 

what if I run into my eternal companion, but I'm not ready? what if I meet some amazing, incredible guy, but I can't even date him because I haven't made myself amazing and incredible enough for him?  What if Heavenly Father's timing is different than mine?  What if he doesn't want me to be finished with college... what if He wants me to meet my future husband and marry him while I'm still in school... but I refuse to be ready? 

What if????

so then I was just totally confused:

I don't want to be the psycho husband hunter...

 but I want to be ready if it comes earlier than expected... 

so what category do I fit in? Where do I stand???

Well... I've decided that right now... I'm just going to work on being the best person I can be.  I want to be one awesome lady so that one day I deserve an incredible gent.  I want to learn everything I can about building a successful relationship and learning how to date in a way that's going to lead up to an eternal marriage.  (which is why I am, in fact, enrolled in "preparing for an eternal marriage" right now.)  I want to prepare myself in every way possible... because even if it takes 10 years for me to meet the man of my dreams (good grief - I hope not!)  then those 10 years of prep will make me super prepared and I will be one amazing girl by the time he comes into my life.

So... I've come up with a statement explaining my stance on marriage...

Here it is:

BE PATIENT, BUT BE READY.

crazies and marriage

For those of you who haven't been an LDS, female college student in the state of Utah... let me fill you in on the different categories of girls in this situation we have:

Category 1:  The "must-get-married-ASAP" girl:

Now, within this category there are several different sub-categories...

• 1A: The "all the good ones are going to be taken!" girl:

               

     This is not Black Friday ladies, they are a not a limited-time-offer, in fact, there are new males being created EVERY SINGLE DAY

• 1B The "College is for getting married, and if I don't get married, I will have failed" girl:

Just.. no. Singles wards may be for getting married (and learning about the gospel and growing as an individual and all that good stuff... but mostly because they want us all to fall in love with a buddy since they're a pretty key part to the plan of salvation.)  but College is for getting an education, and sometimes you happen to bump into your eternal companion along the way - but that is definitely NOT the purpose of getting your education. 

• 1C The baby hungry girl:

For some reason... some girls think they have to get started having babies RIGHT NOW, because.. I don't know.. they think they're running low on eggs or something?  I don't quite get this one... Motherly instincts, yes.  Urgent? no.

• 1D The "This is a competition, and I WILL WIN." girl:

Youngest to get married wins! Right?  Because that clearly means you're the best catch, right?  Wrong, wrong, wrong.

• 1E The "I can't be happy unless I'm married or in a relationship that I think is going to lead to marraige" girl:

Because pity parties sure make the men show up....not.

Remember this talk?  

The entire thing is fantastic, but my favorite part is the 3rd section he talks about.  "Forget not to be happy now" seriously.  Just be happy.  It's possible, even if you're single, I promise.. I've been doing it for quite a while now and the future's still looking great.

• 1F The "I'm not getting any younger!"  girl:

If you're a college-age girl, this should definitely not be a reason to start extensive husband-hunting.  21 is not nearing expiration by any means, I promise.

• 1G  The girl who just really wants to be in love:

You know... those girls who just want to be in love and they don't really care who it's with.  Just obsessed with the concept of love, and being loved.  The girls who pretty much just want to be married so they can say they're married.

Category 2: The "must put marriage off as long as possible!" girl:

• 2A The "I'm going to be a career woman" girl:

Which is fine in some ways.. but don't dis on stay-at-home moms while you're talking about all your career goals. I plan to properly rant about this in a few blog posts.

• 2B The "people who get married before they graduate college are idiots" girl:

"may I assure you that there is no shame in a couple having to scrimp and save. It is generally during these challenging times that you will grow closer together as you learn to sacrifice and to make difficult decisions. " - Thomas S. Monson

Would I prefer to get married after college when it will be less stressful? chyeah. Does that mean I'm going to avoid marraige and dating at all costs until I graduate? Nope.  College is great for meeting people, can anyone deny this? thought not.

• 3B The "I have things to do first" girl

We all know those girls who have a bucket list that would require approximately $1,000,000,000 dollars and 80 straight years of traveling to accomplish... and also believe that a "bucket list" is things that must be done before you get married.  Well have I got news for them... Marriage is actually NOT synonymous with death. So a bucket list can be worked on even after you're married. :)

Basically, most girls my age are either dreading marriage

and thinking everyone who's getting married is insane, or they're husband hunting, and when I say hunting... I mean HUNTING.  It gets a little bit out of control sometimes.

Where do I fall in this mix of confused and struggling girls?  

Stay tuned.  The answer to this question, and more like it...Coming soon to the blog right in front of you, someday when I've got a bit more time to explain my philosophy concerning this love business. :)

Another awkward woman moment.

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted.  It's just that most of my funny life stories involve encounters with people who might read this blog, stories where I don't want them to know what was going on on my end... but I finally came up with one I think is safe to post without sharing too much information, enjoy:

 So the other day I was sitting in institute during our 

law of chastity

 lesson. 

The story's not too bad yet, right?  I mean, it's a potentially awkward subject, but my institute teacher was doing a good job of making sure we didn't all cringe in our seats the whole time.

But, I made the mistake of reaching into my backpack to get my scriptures.

... and that is when it happened:

When I pulled my scriptures out, my birth control pills went flying out of my backpack and under the seat of the guy next to me.  

I cannot express to you how hard it was to muffle my profuse amounts of laughter as I scrambled to pick up that little gem of a package.  

disclaimer: Just in case any of you reading this were alarmed... I'm on birth control for reasons other than, ya know... birth control. So, no worries, I'm still the same good girl you all know and hopefully love. :)