lessons re-learned

A few months back I was driving back to school after spring break when I looked down and saw that my gas was just above empty.  I knew an exit with a gas station was coming up and decided that I would just stop there.  Well, as the exit was approaching and I tried to change lanes so I could exit, I realized that I was completely blocked in.  I tried my best to get into the right lane, but I hadn't noticed the problem in time.  As I passed the exit and looked down at my gas gauge my heart dropped a little bit.  The needle was now dangling below the empty line.. and I had learned from previous experience that this car didn't have enough of a reserve to get me more than a few miles.  I was about halfway along on my three hour drive, so making someone come rescue me would be asking them to take two hours of their time - not to mention the gas money.   Immediately I started praying, asking Heavenly Father to please help my car last until the next gas station.  I slowed down and coasted as much as possible as I said a preading prayer as I passed exit after exit that did not have a gas station. My prayers worked and I miraculously made it to the gas station in Beaver and filled up my tank after driving for about 40 miles with basically no gas in my car.  I spent the remainder of my drive home thanking Heavenly Father for his merciful miracle and promising to never get myself in that situation again.

I spent last weekend down visiting Southern Utah.  While leaving Cedar City I thought about filling my car up with gas, but after running a few things over in my mind, decided instead to fill it up later on in my journey because it would make things simpler.  I passed the halfway point without filling up - I still had enough gas to make it to the next stop, and by then I would need to use the bathroom, so I figured waiting until I was already going to need to stop made more sense.  I turned up my music and drove on... right past the exit with a gas station I had intended to stop at. 

As I drove past the exit, I realized that I had spaced out and quickly looked at the gas gauge.  I suddenly realized that my fuel economy was not what I had thought it was, and I was definitely in trouble: the tank was once again below empty.  As I started driving, trying to remember now far it was to the next exit, panic set in.  I started praying as hard as I could, and my prayer went something like this:

Heavenly Father, I messed up.  I am SO sorry.  I know that you already bailed me out of this situation once.  I know that I promised not to make this mistake again.  This is 100% my fault, I should have learned my lesson.  I know this car probably can't make it to the gas station alone, but I know that with your help, I can get there.  I know you have already shown me more than enough mercy when I messed up like this before.  I know that I don't deserve your help.  I knew better.  I should have been more careful.  I should have been more prepared, it would have been easy to prevent this if I had been on my guard earlier.  I don't know why I was dumb enough to get into this pickle a second time.  I am so sorry... I know I have no right to beg you for this.. but, even though I don't deserve it, I'm asking you to help me make it there again.

As I pulled into the gas station 20 later, and said a prayer of gratitude... I replayed through my prayers in my head.  I thought about a particular flaw that I have, a mistake I repeatedly make in my life.  It's frustrating to me to be less than the good person I know I should be.  Heavenly Father has helped me overcome this particular weakness time and time again.  He has worked a miracle and helped me learn my lesson over and over again.  He has repeatedly helped me defeat my flaw, and I have repeatedly let myself down and felt this terrible quality slip back up again even though I know it's not who I want to be.  I had let this shortcoming sneak back into my life once more, and was naturally very upset with myself for not being the better person I knew I should be.   I was scared to ask Heavenly Father for help again... scared that He would tell me He had given up on me, scared that he would say, "I already helped you with this when you didn't deserve it, you got yourself into this mess, and I don't have to help you get yourself out of it".  Scared and ashamed as I was, I started to pray:

Heavenly Father, I messed up.  I am SO sorry.  I know that you already bailed me out of this situation once.  I know that I promised not to make this mistake again.  This is 100% my fault, I should have learned my lesson.  I know that I probably can't make it where I need to go alone, but I know that with your help, I can get there.  I know you have already shown me more than enough mercy when I messed up like this before.  I know that I don't deserve your help.  I knew better.  I should have been more careful.  I should have been more prepared, it would have been easy to prevent this if I had been on my guard earlier.  I don't know why I was dumb enough to get into this pickle a second time.  I am so sorry... I know I have no right to beg you for this.. but, even though I don't deserve it, I'm asking you to help me make it there again.


In my life I am constantly shocked at how very human I am.  I make the same stupid mistakes over and over again instead of learning them the first time... if I only had to learn lessons once I would probably be darn near perfect after 22 years.  I am thankful for a plan that allows me to learn and re-learn the lessons that make me a better person, and for a perfect, merciful Heavenly Father who loves me enough to give me the help I need even when it's not the help I deserve.

True Colors

There have been so many times in the past month that I've heard of someone's worst side coming out.  Someone snapping and saying something they wouldn't usually say or doing something that I knew they were ashamed of.  Whenever I heard about these things, the people around me would say things like 

"well, I guess that her true colors came out"

 or 

"Well, that really showed his true character." 

I HATE that.

I hate that one mistake can change someone's entire opinion about a person.  No matter how much good someone has done, if they say or do something wrong, suddenly that's their "true self". 

I think that we should stop judging people by the worst things they do, and start making judgments based on the best things they do.  

Someone's character isn't based on the instances where we slip up.  Even though we should all stick to our values and be our best selves as much as possible... we all make mistakes, and we all have regrets.  We can't let those mistakes define us, and we can't let others mistakes define the way we see them.  

Character is about who we are consistently striving to be. 

***obviously, there are some mistakes that are bigger than others and we really do have to be careful about trusting people again.  Not every mistake can be ignored.  I'm talking about the ones that can - words we regret saying, small actions where we weren't as kind as we wish we would have been, etc.***