Deciding.

A few weeks ago I decided to go back to school next semester.  I've had a lot of people ask me how I figured out that moving back is what I'm supposed to do.  Here's the answer:  I never did.

When I first moved home all I wanted was to move back to Cedar City.  After the life-changing weekend I talked about in my last post happened, that completely changed.  Within a matter of a few weeks I realized that I wanted to stay where I was.

So I had a problem, two wonderful lives to choose from.  Two different paths, both with pros and cons.  I knew that if I didn't go back to SUU in the Spring, it would be even harder to go back in the fall.  Most of my good friends would have graduated, and I wouldn't really have any big ties there.  I would have to start over completely.  There were also a lot of people who had made accomodations to make it easier for me to come back this semester, and I didn't want to throw away all of their effort.  But, I was happy here.  I had friends, a great ward, a job I liked, and I would have been able to (finally) sell my contract in Cedar so that I would actually be saving money by living at home. 

I was praying like crazy, asking Heavenly Father to tell me what to do.  I was weighing my options.   I was looking for a sign either way.  I was trying to figure out what I wanted. 

I finally decided to make a decision but not tell anyone until I had confirmation that it was correct. 

Well... that didn't work at all.  Every time I made a decision something came up that made me think that it might be wrong, so I would change my mind - never taking action in either direction.

Finally, it came down to crunch time.  I needed to let my job know whether or not I would be back in January, sell my contract if I was going to, and register for classes. 

I was more confused than ever.  As I mentioned in my last post, I still hadn't figured out why I had been sent back.  Nothing big had happened - so even though I had had the impression that I wasn't going to know for a while why I had sent back, it still made me worried that I might not have fulfilled my purpose in coming back yet.   I didn't want to be ignoring Heavenly Father by moving back when I hadn't done what he needed yet. 

So, I got a blessing.  The blessing was very comforting, but didn't really give me any answers.  AT ALL.  I was still confused, but decided that I needed to not just make a decision, but take a step.

I weighed the pros and cons some more, and decided that I would progress more by going back to school.  Then, I registered for classes... and then I took the scariest step.  I announced it to my friends and family on facebook so that it finally felt like a real decision.

I haven't received confirmation that it's right.  I don't know if tomorrow I'll wake up and feel impressed to stay.   I don't know if I'll move down there again only to have Heavenly Father tell me to move right back (but I'm sure praying that doesn't happen - once was enough!).  I'm keeping my heart open and listening to see if I'm wrong... but until He tells me otherwise, I'm making my own decision and I'm moving forward with it.