DAMAGED

There's this part of my life that's less than perfect. (I know, it's even hard for ME to believe)

In fact, it's actually been a really, really big challenge throughout my life.... if not THE biggest challenge.

I won't talk about it the specific challenge because even though I don't mind talking about it, it's really not something that I need to broadcast all over the internet. 

Tonight I was talking to a friend of mine (who happens to be very well-educated in this particular subject, and human psychology in general) and the chit-chat turned to this topic.   As I always do when it comes up, I talked openly about it and shared my experience with it... probably giving WAY more information than necessary.  

As we were talking, she was really concerned, and started talking about all of the "damage"  that this particular circumstance must have done to me.  All of the issues I must have because of it.   How it must have had such a big effect on me, and I might not even know it...

etc. etc. etc.

I've heard it all before.

It's great.  I'm glad she says it.  I don't like when people minimalize it, because it DID have an impact on me.  It did cause some issues in my life, and yeah.. it was (and is)  something that's been hard to deal with.  

But I've worked hard to pay attention to those issues and stop them from coming up.  I won't let myself become a victim.   

I went through a time in my life where I let my problems define me and I wanted to be the victim.  Want to know what I learned from that time?

I wasn't happy.  I let myself hurt TOO MUCH. 

It's okay to hurt sometimes, but it is not okay to be a permanently hurt person.

....My situation isn't that extreme...in fact, as far as trials go - I feel like I've had it pretty easy. 

But yeah... there are things that have happened that I could have let "damage" me... and for a while I did.   

But, I'm not going to let my life revolve around and be defined by those problems.

I'm doing the best to make the effect they've had on me minimal.  I'm trying to grow from them and become a better person because of them. 

I'm not going to let myself be defined as a victim.  I've had problems and people can know that and acknowledge that yes, those were struggles, and yes, they did hurt... but, 

I'm choosing not to be "damaged."

p.s. sorry for the onslaught of posts in the past few days.  The majority of my roommates are gone so.. I talk to the internet instead :)  I'm also sorry that they all have NUMEROUS grammar mistakes, I'm aware, I just don't have the energy to proofread. (hahahahahha I almost spelled proofread "proofreed"  then I decided I should at least look over my last sentence and whaddayaknow...)

p.p.s. I don't mean to say that everyone can get over their problems or past easily and that it's a simple step... I'm just saying that I think most of us come to a point where we can get past it and grow from it, or we can dwell on it. Choose not to dwell on it. ]

p.p.p.s. My brain wouldn't slip this in correctly into the post... but:  I think that victims tend to have a lot of hate and sadness in their hearts.  Get rid of it by exercising forgiveness if necessary and you will feel SO FREE. Seriously.