I've been thinking about writing this post for a while, but I was having a hard time coming up with the correct way to word it without going on a million tangents... I didn't figure out how to do that and still get my point across...so I apologize for the overdose of Tiana wisdom you're all about to read, but I think it would be selfish of me to not share what I've learned..
This past few years I've slowly learned how to be happy. Not that I was depressed before... but I often chose to focus on the negative things in my life, rather than the positive.
You know that song "Somebody That I Used to Know"? Well... It has absolutely nothing to do with this post haha.. except for the line that resonates most with me: "you can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness"
I was addicted to a certain kind of sadness. I never thought I wanted to be sad, I just felt like life was so hard. I didn't date much, I didn't have as many friends as I wanted, I made mistakes, I didn't get along with my family like I wanted to, I didn't have all the clothes I wanted, I didn't look the way I wanted to, I had injuries to deal with, I had too much to do and too little time... etc.
I had the mentality that I had to persevere through life and get past all of these "huge" trials. I blew things out of proportion A LOT, I cried A LOT, I complained A LOT, I frowned A LOT, I was jealous of others A LOT, I let myself feel inadequate A LOT.
This doesn't make sense at all,
but in my mind, having a harder life... somehow made me a better person.
I care a lot about what people think of me - I really like being admired and looked up to, and I easily let my view of myself be directed by how others perceive me. (I know that's not smart... it's another thing I'm working on.) I thought that if I was pushing through all these trials people would think I was amazing for getting through them. It took a lot of self reflection and gaining a stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior to help me realize that deep down... I actually WANTED my life to be hard. To my subconscious self, getting through trials was the only way to become a better person - more hard times = better me.
Well.. once I had that realization I saw that my subconscious was being ridiculously stupid. What kind of person wants a hard life? Who actually wants to have reason to be sad?
Acknowledging that I had the tendency to tell myself (and others) that my life was harder and more dramatic than it actually was helped me to turn my attitude around. I've learned a few keys to happiness that I want to share and challenge you all to work on applying to your life. (I'm sure you've heard most of them before, but I want you to actually DO something about it this time - I promise it's worth it)
Rule #1 Bite your tongue. Hold back on any remarks that might hurt. Unless it's truly constructive criticism that is necessary, don't say it. Not just to people's faces, but also behind their backs.
Rule #2 Assume the best. Don't assume people's actions were intended to hurt you. Don't assume people dislike you. Assume they meant what they said or did in a non-offensive manner. Assume there are circumstances you don't know about. Assume that people are good at heart.
Rule #3 Compliment others - and mean it. Not to receive compliments in return...but to brighten their day. Increasing someone else's self worth does not diminish your own - it increases it.
Rule #4 Take every opportunity you can to serve others and brighten their day. (Kind of goes with #3 - you never lose, everyone gains)
Rule #5 Pray for a positive outlook. So many people forget this in their prayers - I can't tell you what an impact it has made in my life to take this step. I see so much more beauty, I love people (including myself) so much more, I feel closer to my Heavenly Father, and I am happier.
Rule #6 Stop whining. I don't care what's going on in your life. Stop vocalizing it so much. I understand that sometimes you need to vent, or even have a good cry. That's fine in SUPER SMALL DOSES... but don't dwell on it.
Rule #7 Don't take offense. Even if they meant to offend you, dwelling on it and trying to hurt them in return never does anyone any good.
Rule #8 Talk about the positive. Talk less about what you think is wrong with your life and more about what is right with your life. When you think something is beautiful.. SAY IT, when something great happens in your life SHARE IT. Tell your friends and family, tell your Heavenly Father, and tell yourself. Applying 6 and 8 together is an amazing recipe for happiness.
Rule #9 Be happy for others, not sad and jealous for yourself. Many of you know that this past year I've had a few opportunities I would have loved to have experienced given to others - specifically... some of my best friends. When I would mention this to people, they say "Oh, she got that instead of you? That must be hard". It's true. It's hard to see people get things you want, but I've learned that rather than focusing on the fact that I don't have it - focus on the fact that someone else's life just got a little better. Let yourself be happy for them. There's nothing wrong with rejoicing in the joy of others, but there's everything right with it. Letting the happiness of others affect you is one of the best ways to forget your troubles.
Rule #10 Be grateful for the little things, and make them seem even greater than they are. Isn't the way the light hits those flowers beautiful? Didn't that compliment make you feel great? Don't you love the shirt you have on today? Didn't you love that pasta you just had for dinner? Find the small things and instead of blowing them off, be grateful. Always find the brightside.
Rule #11 Keep a gratitude journal. This goes hand in hand with #10. Through what could have easily been one of the saddest times of my life, I forced myself to write down 3 things I was grateful for in my gratitude journal. Best idea ever.
Rule #12 Minimalize the negative. Don't let your feelings get hurt easily. Don't act like your life is over because of an illness or injury. Don't let negative self talk tell you you're not beautiful or worth it.
Rule #13 Stop thinking about yourself. Be consumed with helping others.
Rule #14 Love everyone... and don't be afraid to show it.
Rule #15 Grow closer to your Heavenly Father. It's pretty hard to be unhappy when you're full of his love and trying to show it.
I know there's more - but those are the basics. Try them... really make a conscious effort. The payoff is worth it. I'm not perfect, I still cry sometimes, but I can honestly say I am happy at least 99% of the time. I love my life. I think it's amazing and wonderful - and I think anyone's life can be, with the right outlook.
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